The Homophobic Series: Book 2-B [I] CHAPTER 6 (The Gay Guy Turns Homophobic)

The Homophobic Series Book 2-B [I]: 

(CHAPTER 6) 

"The Gay Guy Turns Homophobic"
Written by: Adrianne A. Aguilar

“Raine?” sa totoo lang nanindig ang aking mga balahibo.

***************************

Dali-dali akong tumayo, tinungo ko ang kinaroroonan ng ng nasabing lalaki, pero ng narating ko iyon wala na akong nakita kundi mga pila ng sasakyan.

Sinilip ko tuloy ang ikalawang palapag, naisip ko kasi, ano ba ang tinitignan niya? Napansin kong napakaraming tao para sa isang burol. I decided to check out the second floor, napakaliwanag ng lugar, mga mga taong naka uniform at ung iba may ID pa ng isang giant TV network, napag isip isip ko tuloy, kaya pala may mga OB Van sa labas ng establishment.

Then may sumita sa akin, “Sir, off limits po, we are now shooting a documentary…” sabi ng isang empleyado.

Mamaya pa ay may narinig ako, “Cut!” sigaw nito, at natapos na ang kanilang shooting that night. Then narinig kong pinaguusapan nila ay, “palabas na si Ms. Anya…”

Anya? The reporter Anya Marie Ferrer? The one that I met at my shop last December? Then I realized that she already had find success for she has been given her own news magazine show, after all she has the caliber of Korina Sanchez and Jessica Soho.

Nahiya naman ako, I might be interfering with their shoot, kaya I decided na bumaba na lang, pahakbang pa lang ako pababa ng marinig kong tinawag ang aking pangalan.

“Mr. Sto. Domingo is that you?” as I hear Ms. Anya Ferrer’s voice.

Humarap ako sa kanya, she was indeed one radiant lady.

And then I answered, “Yes it’s me Anya…” akala ko nga hindi niya ako nakilala.

Nag-usap kami for awhile, she told me that she was there for a documentary about funeral parlors. The segment na ginagawa nila has a title, Bagong Taon, Bagong Buhay, Hanap Buhay, Hanap Patay… That is why nandun sila nag shoshoot that day. On the other hand nakwento ko sa kanya na I was there for a more personal reason. That my friend Emina died, she had told me her condolences and sandali na dumaan sa crematory.

Naupo kami sandali at nagkaroon ng panandaliang katahimikan, natanung ko tuloy ang aking sarili, “Minumulto ba ako ni Raine at nakita ko na naman siya, or is it the depression that is somehow making me exhausted again.” Feeling ko kasi naapektuhan na naman ang sanity ko.

Then nabaling ko na naman ang atensyon ko kay Miss Anya. Ibang iba siya ngayon kesa nung araw na nakita ko siya sa shop. Pero it seemed that she is hesitant of something. Then I just broke the ice for her.

“Mukhang kanina pa yung shoot nyo, pero for this time of this early morning, you are still very fresh and stunning… And please take that as a compliment Ms. Ferrer.” I suddenly told her.

She discretely smirked, and she answered, “Thank you for that very nice compliment Mr. Sto. Domingo… Actually medyo stressed out na nga, may deadline din kasi kami na hinahabol…” paliwanag nito.

Then lumapit si Aling Saling sa amin na may dala dalang bagong timplang coffee.

“Salamat po” ang sabi ko, at nagpasalamat din naman si Ms. Ferrer, then itinuloy ko, “You could just call me Dane Ms. Ferrer…”

“You could just call me Anya… Dane, I really wanted to stay and to have some chance to chat with you… And God knows how much I do love to converse with you… But I needed to go, may nag hihintay din kasi sakin. I’ll just finish this coffee then I’ll go, if it is okay?” as she politely told me.

Wala naman sa akin yun, actually she’s one interesting lady. She then gave her goodbyes to us, while the funeral attendant told us that the urn for Emina’s ashes were already ready. After hours of waiting, my friend’s ashes was laid to rest. She is now ready for her trip on her way home… Back to the people that she truly cares and love.

~*~

It was early morning when we arrived at the Malaguena Estate… I was wearing my Armani shades that day because the sun’s rays were piercing my eyes, maybe it is also because my eyes were also tired of crying about my friend’s lost.

We were then eventually welcomed by the farmers and their kids, a mass and padasal was held on the same day. And at about sunset we had a stroll around her land, were her ashes was scattered and she was laid to rest.

“Mahal naming kaibigang Emina, ikaw ay naging isang ina, kapatid, isang napagaling na visual artist, at higit sa lahat, you were selfless in everything that you do… Na alam naming na kahit ang iyong buhay ay ibibigay mo sa amin… Kami ay nag-papasalamat at dumating ka sa aming buhay…” that was the short speech na binigay ko para sa kanya.

~*~

After two more days staying at the mansion, it was my decision to already go back to Manila. But Aling Saling advised me that Emina’s lawyer was scheduled to be there to read her last will and testament.

And then the moment came, I was overjoyed for the news that she decided to give parts of her land to the farmers that she love, they were given equal shares to her land, and as for Aling Saling and Paolo, they were given the land on where the rows of mango trees were planted. Masayang Masaya sina Aling Saling at Paolo pero hindi na niya napigilan mapaiyak, “hanggang ngayon Manang Emina kapakanan ko pa rin ang inyong iniisip maraming salamat po…” nasabi niya sa kanyang sarili.

And her entire fortune deposited in banks were given to institutions which are inclined into the arts, such as scholarship grants, etc. I know it is a personal choice for her.

I thought that that was just it, I was surprised when the lawywer said,

“This white marble mansion that the Malaguena’s own, since she’s has no more relatives, Ms. Emina Malaguena is transferring the rights to Mr. Denmark Ramsey-Sto. Domingo and Mr. Adrian Rios, as her heirs to this Mansion.”

I was overwhelemed of the news, alam ko naman kung bakit ginawa yun ni Emina, because Raine and I build memories there, pero I was convinced na we are not the righteous people for the place. So I had arrangements made and so I also included Aling Saling and Paolo as owners of the mansion, for they also deserve it more than I do, they just learned about it when a letter was sent to them with the house title that included their names. Malaki ang kanilang pasasalamat at nung araw din na yun ay tinawagan nila ako, and they’ve told me that I am free to visit the mansion anytime just like when Ms. Emina was still alive.

January 10, 2010

Ang bilis lumipas ng araw, hindi ko na namalayan. I am now in the studio, checking out kung ano ba ang mga latest projects, marami palang naka in line for the coming 2010. A bunch of weddings, then prom month would coming, and I was even invited for a summer fashion shoot.

Marami din naman mga kaibigan namin ni Raine na may pag babago sa buhay. Katulad ni Lucky, he met this Australian guy when he spent Christmas in Boracay, and ayun it is like a great start for the New Year for him. Si Tats naman, ayun sobrang busy, katatapos lang ng Holiday Season Collection, ayun ginagawa na ang concepts for summer, as early as January, it’s like predicting trends this coming season, while si Elijah naman, gagraduate na this summer.

My photographer friend Keiji was also busy last Christmas, lalo pa at nagkaroon ako ng mahabang bakasyon. Kaya this January nag request naman siya sa akin if he could have a time off kasi his mum would be visiting him from Japan. Kaya ayun pinayagan ko naman, anyways may mga freelancer photographer friends naman kami to help out. Kaya ayun I concentrated on the business as usual.

Jessica and her baby Red was always a bundle of joy. He is growing up as a very cuddly boy, speaking of babies, naalala ko, magkikita nga pala kami nina Jenny and Nemo.

And just from nowhere I received a text from her, “Dane, January 14, 2010 is our schedule to the doctor. See you there!”

January 14, 2010

It was the day that Jenny, Nemo and I were scheduled to meet up. It is a good thing that the check up last December went well, and somehow I am eligible as a donor for my sperm, it was a tedious process really, and the doctor had explained to us the possibilities. We were all ecstatic of what could be the results really. After that day, there would be a follow up check up for Jenny, most especially that she would be bearing twins.

January 23, 2010

I was driving on my way home that day when I suddenly received a call, it was from an anonymous number, and so I introduced myself, si Ms. Anya Ferrer pala un, I just didn’t had the chance on saving her number when she had given me her calling card months ago, she then invited me to have some coffee kasi nasa vicinity lang daw siya, kasi dun daw sila nag shoot. I didn’t decline of the invite. So I drove my self going to Shang-rila Mall.

She was divine as always, she was very cute while holding the small white cup of coffee, she was wearing a white dress and it was accentuated by a string of pearls on her very long sexy neck.

“Hi there Mr. Sto. Domingo! Hey I am really sorry if nauna na akong umorder ng kape, I had a very stressful day…” paliwanag nito.

And then I told her, “It is just fine Miss Anya, and by the way you could just call me Dane… So may ipag-lilingkod ba ako sa inyo?” natanong ko sa kanya.

She then paused for a bit and then she uttered some words, “Hmmm… actually it’s about some business really, pero siguro yung iba more on personal matters siguro.” Anya told me.

“Hmmm Business? Ano naman kaya yun?” nasabi ko bigla sa aking sarili, maybe she had an idea na naguguluhan na ako kaya she continued on what she was saying, “Kasi Dane it is February right? We might be running a feature story on my show about Proms… And I might get you interviewed kasi, and if you do have some friends sa fashion industry I could also feature them in my show…” she then told me.

Of course I was overwhelemed, exposure din kasi ito for the business kaya naiisip ko na isa itong magandang opportunity, and pwede ko rin na isama ang friend kong si Tats for the feature… Am I right? “How generous of you Ms. Ferrer na kayo pa mismo ang nagsabi sa akin na gusto nyo akong I feature sa show nyo, pero I am just curious, with all due respect, bakit ako ang napili nyo?”

She then again paused for a second time, as if pinag iisipan nya ang gusto nyang sabihin, “Actually eto na yung part na personal na ang sasabihin ko, I’ll be getting married in a year or so, and gusto sana kitang kuning photographer in my wedding. There is something with your photography that I am hooked with, there is this depth in your photos that somehow mystifies me. Your photos for me tells a story, a mystery in every composition that captures anyones imagination.”

Syempre I am privileged na ako ang napili ng isang award winning news anchor and TV magazine host, and then she asked me, “What’s your secret Dane? I mean, bakit kahit black and white ang usual composition mo, it tells life…?” I could see it in her eyes that she was very curious.

“Hmmm… Let’s just say someone just inspires me…” I just gave her a vague answer.

Well I think nagets naman ni Ms. Anya ang ibig kong sabihin sa sinabi ko, we had a blast chatting that day, and after quite a while I personally accompanied her on her way to her car. And we then went into our separate ways.

Feburuary 14, 2010

Kailangan ko isubsob ang sarili ko sa trabaho, buti na lang a project was scheduled today, it was an X-deal with an event na gagawin sa SM Megamall. Kaya libreng publicity na rin to para sa Snaps of Time. It was a fashion event dedicated for today’s celebration, Valentine’s Day. It was a very exhausting event, hapon na rin natapos yung show. I then noticed that marami na palang mga nag message sa akin. Mga pag-bati from friends, relatives, kina Mandy my sister. But one text message had caught my attention.

“Hey I was in the vicinity of Megamall, nakita kita, pero hindi muna kita ginambala kasi baka busy ka. Musta naman?”

Mr. Jake Santillan +63999------

Tagal ko na rin since may narinig na balita from him, kaya I decided na tawagan siya. “So Mr. Santillan? Are you still in the vicinity?” Natanong ko sa kanya.

“Oh Dane, napatawag ka… Yes nandito pa ako… I am just checking some shirts here at F&H” tugon ni Jake.

Then ang maikling usapan ay napunta sa pag-kakape… Then one thing led to another, nakita na lang namin ang sarili namin na nasa “Starlites”, isa pa ring hang outan ng mga people like us, just like Palawan na halos katabi lang nito.

“Mukhang ang dami nag-dedate ha?” puna ko sa mga tao roon.

“So can we consider this as a date? Kasi tayong dalawa lang?” reaction ni Jake sa sinabi ko.

“Hmmm… Siguro… I don’t know… Sige na nga siguro…” sa loob loob ko it was a friendly date.

“The last time na pumunta tayo sa ganito at nag-kakaraoke ka pa was in Malate… Remember?”

Natahimik lang ako, I still remember that day na pininpoint ni Jake. Napansin naman niya na nanahimik ako.

“Ah eh sorry Dane kung pina-alala ko pa…” pag hingi nya ng paumanhin sa akin.

“Hmmm… Wala yun Jake, sabi ko nga sayo noon, I haven’t yet totally move on… Pero okay lang, I mean kailangan on my part dapat ay matanggap ko na little by little” paliwanag ko sa kanya. Well that sort of date went well, ayun nag-update kami sa mga pangyayari sa mga buhay namin. He was also generous enough to share na he’s already dating some men, pero wala pa naman daw makakuha ng interest nya.

“Well that’s good to hear that at least you are now open to meet people. Pero hindi ba sila ganun kainteresting?” natanong ko sa kanya.

His answer? A very brief smile… At inalok na lang nya ako ng another round of beer.

Then the topic shifted from work out routines, to our friend Jill na ayun ganun pa rin ang “dating” style, polygamous pa rin. And sa mga guys na nasa paligid namin. Well I also noticed it, hindi naman sa pagbubuhat ng bangko, pero lahat ng napapadaan sa table namin is napapalingon, either sa akin o kay Jake. The funny thing was kahit alam mong mag-partner o may partner sila, is titignan ka nila na as if may kukunin sila sayo.

“Mukhang ang dami mong fans?” biro ko kay Jake.

“Anong ako? Baka ikaw. Oh look ayan may tumitingin na naman sayo…” senyas nito.

Aba eh, tripper din ako kung minsan, tinitigan ko rin, hahaha… Nakita yata ng boyfriend ayun almost nag-away, napahagikgik lang kami sa katatawa…

Mataas naman ang tolerance ko with liquors, pero mukhang naparami yata ang inom that night.

When it was time for us to part ways, “Dane ako na ang mag-dadrive…” Jake suggested.

“Kaya ko naman Jake, and besides malapit lang naman ang Shaw Blvd. dito…” sagot ko sa kanya habang 

gumegewang akong naglalakad.

And from that very moment doon na nya ako inakay papunta sa aking sasakyan. Wala na rin akong nagawa, Jake seated on the driver’s seat at ako naman sa tabi niya.

“Mr. Sto. Domingo, your keys please…” pabirong sinabi ni Jake.

At syempre dinukot ko naman un sa aking bulsa, funny thing is napansin ko pa ang ibang People Like Us sa labas, “Tinitignan ba nila tayo?” tanong ko kay Jake.

Sagot nya, “Sort of…”

Ewan ko ba parang ang lakas ng tama ko that night, binuksan ko yung car window ko and then, the bomb exploded, I give them a dose of my very dirty finger, “Fuck you guys!” sigaw ko.

“Hahahaha… Gago ka Dane…” at tawa ng tawa si Jake upon hearing that.

Nakaalis naman kami ng maluwag, wala namang nang-away. Medyo hilo pa rin ako sa aking pag-kakainom, kilala ako ni Jake pag nakainom, may pagka madaldal ako.

“So you are now really good with your driving skills…” bati ko sa kanya.

And he responded, “Amateur pa nga lang eh, buti na lang at least nagagamit ko na ang natutunan ko sa driving school…” nakwento kasi ni Jake na approve yung application niya for a car loan kaya tuloy ang pag-aaral nya sa pagmamaneho.

“So sa condo ba tayo didiretso?” doon din kasi siya nakatira, with her tita.

And then I answered, “Nope sa studio na lang, plano ko talaga na dun matulog at marami akong pending jobs tomorrow… Doon muna ako sa room nila Jessica matutulog at lumabas kasi siya for a date…” bigla ko naikwento na Keiji my photographer friend and Jessica are now dating.

“Well good for them…” ang sabi ni Jake.

In a matter of minutes, nakarating din kami sa studio. Hindi naman ganun katraffic, siguro lahat ng mga tao this time of the night, nakacheck in sa hotel or motel. Hehehe.

Nahiya naman ako kay Jake kaya inalok ko muna siya na magkape, and he responded, “I thought you would never ask.”

Pero alam niya hindi ko na ito kaya, kaya hinatid nya na ako sa may kwarto. Pumunta naman siya sa may pantry para mag-timpla ng kape.

Ako naman di mapakali sa kama, ang daming stuff toy ni baby Red, naalala ko na dun pala iniwan ni Jessica ang kanyang anak sa kanyang tiyahin sa South.

After a while narinig ko na may nagbukas ng pinto, si Jake yun dala ang isang tasa ng kape, iaabot na niya sana sa akin yun ng bigla niya itong ipinatong sa side table ng kama and then he said, “It is now or never Dane…”

And he forcely kissed me.

“Jake, No…” I did tried to stop him, “NO Jake I said NO, stop…” pero habang tumatagal lalo pang bumaon ang kanyang labi sa akin. Gumanti naman na ako ng halik. Alam kong nagiinit na ako pero mas naramdaman ko ang umaapoy niyang init.

Mabilis niyang hinubad ang kanyang shirt at pilit niyang isinunod ang sa akin.

Dali-dali naman niyang sinupsop ang ngayo’y nanggigigil na aking mga utong.

“Ahhouuuuu…” napa ungol naman ako sa sarap, ramdam ko na basang basa na ang aking dib-dib. Mabilis niyang dinakma ang aking tigas na tigas na pag-aari.

Mabilis siyang naghubad ng kanyang pantalon, tinulungan niya ako na hubarin ang sa akin, then he swiftly had taken off my undies, to my surprise that is the only part na bumagal siya, tinitigan niya muna ang tigas na tigas kong uten, and from nowhere, his tongue came out of his mouth, at sa isang pinakamabagal na manner dinilaan niya ito from its shaft to its head. From that point on, that is the only time na parang na slow motion ang nangyayari sa amin, and everything came back to the usual setting, MABILISAN…

Binaon ni Jake sa kanyang lalamunan ang tigas na tigas kong burat, ramdam kong halos na itong mabilaukan, ngunit hindi pa rin niya ito tinanggal.

Tumutulo ang kanyang laway dahil ramdam ko na basa ang aking mg itlog.

Sinubukan kong hawakan ang kanyang pag-aari, tigas na tigas na rin ito.

Umikot ito sa kanyang posisyon, at naintindihan ko naman ang kanyang ibig sabihin, binigla ko siya, sinubo ko ang kanyang kabuuan, nagulat ito kasi naramdaman ko na bumaon pa lalo ang kanyang pagkakasubo.

Mamaya-maya pa ay naramdaman ko ang kanyang daliri na animoy kumukuha ng laway sa kanyang mga bibig, mamaya pa ay kinuha niya ang kanyang mga kamay at itinapat sa kanyang basang basa na pwetan, He has a very wet ass by that time. Pinagbigyan ko siya, pinasok ko muna ang isa, mas lalong bumaon pa ang pagkakasubo niya, nang dumalawa, ayun na senyales na tumayo na siya,

“Kakantutin kita?” tanong ko sa kanya.

Pero imbis na sumagot, Jake just hushed me down with his finger, at ayun nakaharap siya sa akin at ako ay kanyang inupuan.

Binayo ko naman siya ng binayo, binaon ko sa kanyang mga kalamnan ang aking galit nag alit na pag-aari,

“Tang-ina Dane! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh…” napapasigaw si Jake sa sakit at sarap.

Ako rin naman ay napapapikit sa sarap, ng hindi ko sinasadyang, “Raine ibaon mo pa…” napasigaw kong bigla.

Bagamat mas binaon pa nga ni Jake ang kanyang butas, nakita ko sa kanyang mga mata ang pagkagulaat, bilog na bilog ito… Sabay pagkita ko sa kanyang pagluha, as if ako’y nagkibit balikat, siya ay aking hinalikan.

In the end sabay kaming nilabasan, ako sa loob siya naman ay sa labas.

Kung anong bilis ng pangyayari, yun din ang bilis ng si Jake ay nag-bihis.

Tahimik muna ako, napapailing, di ko alam ang aking sasabihin,

“Jake, let’s talk… I’m sorry, hindi ko sinasadya…” pero wala pa rin siyang tinag.

“Come on… This was all sudden to me…” paliwanag ko sa kanya, pero hindi mo pa rin maipinta ang kanyang mukha. He was not yet entirely fixed when he went into the studio’s entrance door, pilit ko syang hinabol pero nakapara na siya ng taxi at dali-daling sumakay.

I tried calling him, pero hindi niya sinasagot ang aking tawag, hanggang sa dumating sa point na alam kong he already turned off his phone. I really felt bad sa mga pangyayari, hanggang sa makatulog ako iniisip ko ang mga nangyari, during that time that we did it, ang naisip ko talaga during our climax was Raine, I know I was unfair to Jake, pero hindi ko na napigilan ang aking sarili, I think it was about 4am ng ako ay nakatulog sa kwarto nina Jessica.

February 15, 2010

I have set my alarm clock at about 8 o’clock in the morning, it is a good thing at nagising naman ako, I just went into the bathroom para makaligo para magising ang aking dugo sa malamig na tubig, after kong magbihis ayun nag suot na ako ng damit at nagtimpla na ako ng kape. 10am pa naman ang bukas ng studio pero kailangan ko matapos ang iba kong jobs today. Hmmm nasan na kaya sina Keiji at Jessica? Oh well ang mahalaga is that they have enjoyed their date last night.

Upon reaching my desk at mag simula with any other job I intendedly checked on my phone, I was still worried with what happened last night, pag check ko sa aking phone there was this text message from Jake, which wasn’t there pa ng pag gising ko kaninang umaga.

“Dane, I am very sorry on how I acted last night. I know that we are friends and I have betrayed you… And in the end ako mismo ang nakasakit sa aking sarili… Again I am really sorry for making you feel awkward, Sa tingin ko it is best if didistanysa muna ako sayo, from the very start dapat pala yun na ang ginawa ko pero I was just carried away last night. I hope that we could still be friends, don’t worry I know that someday we’ll be okay…”

Mr. Jake Santillan +63999------

“,) I just texted him a smiley in return and a good morning of course, naisip ko kasi kung ano man ang maisip ni Jake I’ll just respect it.

I was relieved that okay naman si sya, kaya after maayos ang mga issues with him ay ginugol ko naman ang aking oras sa pagtatrabaho. May mga inayos akong mga pending na video editing jobs. At mga online queries about quotations, katatapos lang kasi i-set up ng sarili naming website ang www.snapsoftime.com.ph, and so far maganda naman ang response ng mga bumibisita dito.

It was about quarter before 10am ng halos matapos ko ang mga dapat tapusin, buti na lang at nabisita ko na ang aking Facebook account at naimessage ko na ang mga taong malalapit sa akin. So mayroon pa akong 15minutes para makapaglinis before the studio opens at 10. Tamang tama naman ang aking pag bukas, dahil at 10:06am dumating na ung breakfast na pinadeliver ko from McDonald’s…

Hay I missed home cooked breakfast in the morning, lately puro yata fast food ang kinakain ko, fastfood sa umaga, tanghali at gabi. Nakakain lang naman ako ng lutong bahay ng nakasama ko ang big sis ko and of course ng ipinagluluto ako ni Raine ng makakain,

At about 10:25am, dumating na sina Keiji at Jessica… “Good Morning Dane…” bati ng nag-bablush pang si Jessica.

I bid good morning to her at dumerecho naman ito sa may pantry.

“So how’s the date with Jessica?” natanong ko sa kaibigang kong si Keiji.

“It was like no other, she’s a very sweet girl…woman…” paliwanag ng aking kaibigan na akala mo ay nasa cloud nine. Dumerecho din naman siya sa may kusina para makapagkape.

I’ve noticed na marami rami na palang mga letters sa may front desk namin, some were invites for photo conferences, some are utilities, ng may nahulog akong isa sa mga envelope, I tried to reach it out napunta kasi sa ilalim ng desk, ng narinig ko na may pumasok sa main entrance ng studio dahil narinig ko ang door chime, tamang tama naman na dumating si Jessica, “Dane eto na yung itinimpla kong orange juice for you…” and then I heard a voice of a man and he said, “I am looking for Mr. Denmark Ramsey-Sto. Domingo…”

“Oh my God!” and then I heard Jessica freaked out, she dropped the glass of orange juice on the floor.

Napatayo ako sa aking kinalalagyan, “Jessica what happened?” at itinuro niya ang taong ngayon ay nasa harapan ko, What the heck, bigla kong nasabi sa sarili ko.

And then everything came quick, “Sir I am sorry about what had happen…” paumanhin ko sa taong ngayon ay kaharap ko, si Jessica naman ay sorry din ng sorry at pumasok sa loob para kumuha ng panligpit sa kalat na nabasag na baso.

“Amm… it is just alright, it seems that I startled you both, my apolologies… By the way I am Dan Veraperez, I was sent here by Ms. Anya Marie Ferrer, it is about the TV feature of your studio?” pakilala niya sa akin, sabay abot ang kanyang kamay to have this handshake.

I was still blank at that time, kung si Jessica ay nagulat ako hindi ko maipaliwanag ang aking dapat maramdaman, pero upon holding his hands as if bumalik ang lahat, the incident at MRT that is, he was the same guy na nakita ko sa MRT.

“Raine?” bigla kong nasabi.

Mukhang naguluhan ang lalaking aking kaharap, “I am sorry?” as he clarified kung ano man ang sinabi ko.

“Nothing sir…” at iniabot niya ang isang calling card sa akin.

“Dan… Ahh, Mr. Dan Veraperez…” as I uttered his name, pero iba ang idinidikta ng puso’t isip ko. Raine is this one of your tricks again? Is my mind also playing with me? Pero bakit ganun din ang naging reaction ni Jessica upon seeing him.

“Have a sit sir…” as I guided him sa sofa sa may lounge area ng studio.

And then napansin ko na Keiji was also there, Jessica was also there, discretely nyang itinuro ang aming bisita na si Mr. Veraperez.

“Huh Raine?” yun din ang initial reaction ng aking kaibigan.

Hindi naman yun napansin ni Raine o ni Mr. Veraperez.

Pero mukhang ako yata ang hindi nakapansin sa kanya, “I am sorry Mr. Sto. Domingo, is there something that I am not getting here?” he curiously asked.

“My apologies Mr. Veraperez…” sabi ko sa kanya… and then he answered,

“Dan na lang…” he suggested, and then he gave this very brief smile. Hmmm in some ways mag kaiba nga sila ni Raine, Raine smiles wide, as in pag ngumiti sya abot hanggang kanyang tenga, samantalang si Mr. Veraperez naman ay matipid ngumiti, pero even that small hint of a smile somehow told me something or perhaps my vivid imagination is again playing with my mind, is it telling me again that, si Raine ang kausap ko.

“Mr. Sto. Domingo… Dane?” he is again getting my attention, ako naman kasi ay tulala at hindi ko maipaliwanag ang aking dapat maramdaman.

“Oh I am really sorry Mr. Veraperez for the inconvenience…” paumanhin ko sa kanya.

“Wala naman yun, pero napansin ko lang parang namumutla ka? Are you okay?” tanong nito sa akin.

Then naramdaman ko na medyo sumama nga ang pakiramdam ko.

“Don’t worry okay naman ako Dan” sagot ko sa kanya.

“Anyways Dane, bumisita lang ako dahil Anya told me to check your place out dahil we might shoot one of our features here… Can I look around for a while if you don’t mind?” tanong nito sa akin.

Ng tumayo ako naramdaman ko na medyo sumakit pa ang aking ulo, at bigla ko naramdaman na ako ay nawalan ng balance, and to my surprise Mr. Veraperez’ reflexes were so fast, nasalo nya ako, he was very different to Raine, coz my love of my life was somehow clumsy in a way.

“Ei I think pagod ka na Dane, we could do this naman next time…” Dan suggested.

“Nope Dan… Sayang naman ang punta mo…” and then tinawag ko si Keiji and asked him a favor to tour him around. Syempre pinaunlakan naman ako ng aking kaibigan.

And then nakita ko si Jessica na lumalapit sa akin.

“Dane… Dane… Okay ka lang ba?” ang sabi niya sa akin pero kitang kita ko si Jessica na balisang-balisa.

“Ikaw Jess, okay ka lang din ba?” hindi naman niya sinagot ang aking tanong, instead, “Ikukuha ko muna kayo ng maiinom ng ating bisita”.

By the time na iniwan ako ni Jessica by myself ay umiikot ang aking isip. Tinatanong ko ang sarili, bakit ngayon pa, when I am starting again with my life. Napansin ko naman na lumabas na si Dan with Keiji from the main studio, tinitignan na niya ang wall of memories ko for Raine.

From a distant narinig ko na tinanong nya si Keiji, “This is a great artwork instillation ha? Who’s idea is this?” at nakita kong itinuro ako ng aking kaibigan.

Nakita ko naman na papalapit na sila sakin, “You do have a great sense of art Mr. Sto. Domingo. I guess that concludes my visit, maraming salamat for letting me check out your place… Pagaling ka na rin, we really needed you for the shoot…” and he gave me a tap on my shoulder.

He was about to go ng dumating si Jessica sa tinimpla nyang juice. “Sir have a drink muna before you go…”

Dan was courteous enough sa alok ni Jessica at uminom naman ito, we had a handshake and he already left our place.

Narinig ko na napabuntong hininga ang dalawa.

“Dane, I don’t mean to pry, pero kamukhang kamukha niya si Raine…” reaksyon ni Jessica.

“I thought that you were not about to ask that, actually un din ang impression ko sa kanya, well I mean phycically they look alike, pero when I have toured him around the studio I was like, he looks like Raine pero he’s very different... I mean ung mga galaw niya…” Keiji stated.

Then ako naman ang narinig nilang napabuntong hininga… Napakalalim na as if lulubog na ako sa aking pinag kakaupuan.

“Pero are you okay Dane? Napansin kasi namin na namutla ka when you saw Mr. Veraperez.” Tuloy na sinabi ni Keiji, hindi naman lingid sa kanilang kaalaman ang mga pinag-daanan ko.

Pilit ko naman kinubli ang aking nararamdaman, “Come on guys, marami tayong pending jobs today…” pero ng mga oras na yun as if pinipilas ang puso ko.

A minute, an hour at ilang oras pa ang dumating, kahit isubsob ko pa ang sarili ko sa trabaho, I know that I am tormented of that fact na nakita ko na ang lalaking inaakala kong si Raine, or should I say na si Raine nga yun.

It was about five in the afternoon, I told Keiji and Jessica that I wanted to have an early end shift. Gusto ko muna kasing hanapin ang sarili ko that day, and somehow natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili ko sa isang bar sa Malate at umiinom.

I think 7pm na nun and I was like in my fourth bottle, at 8pm I’m on my ninth, and then a familiar voice called my name.

“Dane is that you? Are you okay?” it was Lucky, he was with I think a foreign guy. I think he was the guy na nakwento nya sa akin na nakilala niya sa Boracay.

“Sean this is Dane, a very close friend of mine. Dane this is Sean, he’s here in the Philippines for some business…” at kinindatan ako ni Lucky.

“And a little bit of pleasure mate!” and he gave me a handshake and I gave him a brief smile, I know that by that time that I am a little bit of intoxicated.

They have decided to join me at my table, nagkamustahan naman kami ng mga buhay buhay, sa work and everything. Lucky looked very complete… They are a very good looking couple.

“Lucky, nakita ko ulit siya…” then out of nowhere the Raine topic suddenly emerged, “Huh? Sino ang nakita mo Dane?”

“Si Raine, nakita ko ulit si Raine…” sagot ko sa kanya. “Friend wag ka naman mag biro ng ganyan, are you sure that you are okay?” pag-aalalala ni Lucky.

Then I was suddenly blank, after three minutes at nakasagot din ako, “Sa totoo lang Lucky, I don’t really know if I’m doing okay…” and both of them patiently listened, “Seeing him smile makes me feel that everything is going to be alright… and kanina I’ve again seen that smile. Pero bakit ganun, instead of me being well, alright, sane… I am again in this tormented feeling…”

And I started to burst into tears.

Napayakap naman si Lucky sa akin, and Sean consoled me by tapping me by my shoulders, naikwento na pala ng aking kaibigan ang aking pinag daanan.

The two have decided to bring me home.

February 16, 2010

At kinabukasan, pagkagising ko ay napansin kong tumatawag na pala si Ate Mandy sa aking mobile phone. Halatang may hang over pako from last night.

“Dane, Lucky have phoned me, and told me what happened last night… What happened to you ba?” and I could feel my sister’s voice trembling. Hindi ako makasagot, inside of me gusto kong umiyak but I decided to get a grip of myself.

“Ate, napainom lang ako last night, I would be okay… Don’t you worry…” I assured her.

“Dane… You are like a son to me, and hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko kapag may nangyari sayo… kaya please take care of yourself…” and after some minutes of kamustahan I said my goodbyes to my sister, pagkababa ko pa lang ng phone, again I bursted into tears, at napayakap lang ako sa aking unan.

~*~

It was pouring Rain when I went into the office, and I was wearing shades even though malakas ang ulan, late na rin ako nakapasok, it was about 11:30am, Jessica greeted me, “Good Morning Dane!” instead of answering her I just decided to go straight into my office.

Kakaupo ko lang ng aking desk ng nag ring ang aking mobile phone, with a defeated tone of voice I answered it, “Hello… this is Dane, how may I help you…?” and there was it, his voice, that voice na that would make my heart pound, for the wrong and right reasons.

“Hello there Mr. Sto. Domingo…” as Dan Veraperez greeted me, “By the way I am really sorry if it is a bit short notice, but I have sent a fax earlier on how the show would work and we would be actually…” tuloy tuloy lang sya, “…shooting this late in the afternoon, that is if your schedule is still open? We would be setting our cameras there, a crew of six would be theren and Anya would be arriving at around…” nakinig lang ako ng nakinig, hanggang sa sa halos lumubog nako sa aking kinauupuan.

NEXT:

The Homophobic Series Book 2-B [I]: 

(CHAPTER 7) 

"The Gay Guy Turns Homophobic" 
http://boykissesbydane.blogspot.com/2012/10/coming-soon-this-friday-homophobic.html