And then the train stopped. It stopped at Ayala Station. Hindi nako nag-isip pa dali dali akong bumaba, dahil paalis na rin siya. Sinalubong pako ng mga sumasakay. Siksikan tuloy, sinalag ko sila. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin. Ang tanging nasa isip ko was I needed to face him, and I needed to talk to him.
Upon going out the train ay nagtatakbo nako, but he was like meters apart. I did try to compose myself but everything was all coming back to me. I was again weeping, now he was on the upper end of the escalator, madaming tao, hindi ko na natiis, I just decided on shouting his name…
“Raine! Raine!” I was like almost pushing every person who is on my path. I did run for him. I did try to catch up with him. Nakita ko pa siya along the gates, naipasok na niya yung card niya. Napansin naman ng mga guards ang commotion na ginawa ko.
Abot kamay ko na siya, ipapasok ko na lang yung MRT card. But I realized.
“Where is the card?” oh shoot. Naiwan ko pa sa Taft Avenue station yung card. Tatalon na dapat ako across the card gates para mahabol ko siya. Pero inawat ako ng guard in charge. I was even escorted by two other security personel and they had invited me for some interrogation.
~*~
“I just told you ate, I am not going insane. I saw him, I just saw Raine…” I tried to convince my sister na si Raine nga ang nakita ko. She’s the one who had picked me up at the security offices of the MRT at Ayala Station. She then phoned Lucky, and we had this talk on my place
“The truth is brother, I don’t really know what to believe in… I just thought that you are doing okay by now. But look at you. It is like it is happening all over again. I told you too much stress would fuel your…”
“Insanity? I told you I am not going crazy…” at mahilig ko talagang singitan ang kapatid ko pag ganun na ang usapan. And then sumingit na rin si Lucky.
“But are you even sure na siya nga yun?” Raine’s best friend asked me.
“Lucky talaga I thought you were on my side. We do need to convince him na he is just tired.” At na pa iling lang ang sister ko.
“Eh sorry Mandy. Na curious lang ako. Imagine ginawa na naman ni Dane yun. Eh ano nga ba ang nakita mo?” tanung ni Lucky sa akin.
“Hmmm… Well he’s wearing this checkered polo shirt. Then he has these glasses. He has short hair and a very buff body. And the resemblance was uncanny.” I was like telling this story to convince them na si Raine nga yung taong nakita ko.
“You mean short hair? Hahaha… Raine wouldn’t trade his hair for anything. He wouldn’t cut his hair, for Christ sake. And buff ba kamo? Eh tamad na tamad nga yang mag gym. Tapos ngayon buff na kagad.” Lucky told us, as he made me realize things that Raine usually doesn’t like to do.
“And Raine doesn’t wear any glasses am I right? And besides Dane, of course if that is really him he would approach you. I know how much he loves you my brother… And I know and I feel that he won’t ignore you over anything…” as my sister Mandy caressed me.
“Oo nga Dane. I think you do needed some rest na rin. Remember weeks from now mag-oopen na ang studio mo.” As Lucky handed some pills that my sister asked from him earlier.
“I know what I’ve seen…” I told myself as I took the pills.
“We know… But sometimes our imagination is just deceiving us, most especially when we haven’t totally moved on.” My sister told me, as my hearing became shallow and in the following minutes I just felt dizzy and I fell asleep.
October 18, 2009
Yes it was stressful alright. Imagine thinking and convincing myself kung ano nga ba ang dapat kong paniwalaan. But in the end nanaig na rin sa isip ko ang mga priorities ko. Si Raine man yun o hindi alam kong hindi siya matutuwa na nagkakaganito ako.
So later that day I personally phoned Mr. Wayne Patrick Russell.
“Are you certainly sure that you wanted to do this Dane?” My boss told me in a symphatetic tone.
I just paused for awhile and I took a very deep breath.
“Wayne, I have already thought about it. I will surely miss TACTS, it just really brings back a lot of memories. I just wanted some absolution for myself. And I know that this would the best path for my liberation.” I sincerely told him.
“Oh I see… Well Dane, if that is the case… Always remember that the doors of TACTS are always open for you… From the very start that I’ve met you I do know that you’ll be a great asset to our company. Not just because you’re just simply an employee, but for me, a great colleague and friend as well. I do know that this is a very hard decision for you, but I wish you all the best. Hey, if you do need some assistance don’t hesitate on giving me a ring okay?” and I could hear Mr. Russell’s cheer. I do certainly feel the he really does care. That he just really wants the best for me, the best for us, sa amin ni Raine. From the very start, napakasupportive na nya sa pagsasama namin.
Thank you Mr. Wayne Patrick Russell, Thank you.
October 19, 2009
It was a very sad day. Tama nga ang sinabi ko kay Mr. Russell, it surely brings back the memories. Sinalubong kaagad ako ng secretary ko, and then Jessica went crying.
“Sir, I am sorry about what had happen to Sir Adrian. He is a really nice person po. Pasensya na po nawala din kasi ako for a while, nanganak po kasi ako.” And sinubukan kong patahanin siya.
Pinapasok ko muna siya sa office ko.
“Thank you Jessica. Kahit siya, si Adrian, gusto rin niya magpasalamat sayo. Sa lahat ng naitulong mo sa kanya when he was the one in charge dito sa HR. I know that you do have a very difficult pregnancy kaya pinagbakasyon ka na rin niya ng maaga.” I told her. Mas lalo pa siyang naiyak.
“Oh bakit? What happen to you Jessica?” as I tried to console her.
“Eh sir, sa totoo lang ako nga ang dapat mag pasalamat sa kanya. Imagine inilakad niya yung maternity leave ko. It took longer than the usual allowable months, pero I was paid kahit na ganun ang nangyari. Kaya laking pasasalamat ko sa inyong dalawa ni Sir Adrian, napakalaking tulong po sa isang single mom na tulad ko ang ginawa nyo for me. Pero sir, nababalitaan ko pa ngayon na you are about to leave the company” tuloy sa hagulgol si Jessica.
Natahimik lang ako, wala akong nasabi. Alam kong sincere si Jessica with every word na sinabi niya.
“Ay sorry po sir. I was just carried away. Pero okay lang po yun at least maganda naman yung bagong business nyo.” And my secretary became hushed.
And I had this excellent idea.
“Ganito Jessica, I am actually looking for a secretary sa studio ko. Mas flexible ang hours dun, at least makakapag focus ka pa with your baby. Would you like to apply for that position? I think Mr. Russell wouldn’t mind kung isasama kita sa pag alis ko.” As I told her my good news.
“Talaga sir! Oh my, you are such an angel… Yes sir. Of course sasama po ako…” tuwang tuwa si Jessica.
Nakakatuwa nga talaga tong secretarya kong to’. Biruin mo naikwento pa niyang she even asked Raine na maging god father ng anak niya. In the end nag prisinta na ako na ako na lang ang papalit sa shoes ng baby ko. Marami ang nalungkot sa pag alis ko. But at least I find hope sa mga taong tulad ni Jessica, who have seen the goodness sa pinakamamahal kong si Raine.
And take note naikwento din niya na tuwang tuwa si Raine na magkakababy si Jessica. What does that mean? That he wanted a baby? Mwah mwah mwah I love you Mr. Adrian Rios.
October 31, 2009
The photo frames and furnitures were delivered last Monday, but we only had the chance to start on setting up some of the things yesterday because nung Thursday lang natapos yung mga additional office space na pinagawa namin ni Keiji. Idagdag mo pa dyan ang fully equipped studio namin. Buti na lang dumating si Jessica this morning to help me out. Kakaresign pa lang niya yesterday with TACTS. It was almost about 6pm ng umiyak ang baby ni Jessica.
“Are you sure sir Dane that okay lang talaga na makakasama ko dito ang baby ko dito sa work…?” nag aalalang tanong ni Jessica.
“Hmmm… I don’t really mind. Okay lang din yan kay Keiji…” assurance ko sa kanya.
Tamang tama naman na kalalabas lang ni Keiji sa office niya.
“Yeah, it is not a really a big deal to me… Sa totoo lang medyo malaki rin naman etong space na ito. Kaya okay lang. And at least baby Red could be accustomed sa mga ninong niya right? Oh sya may pre-wedding pictorial pako sa Shangri-la Makati at 7pm, maiwan ko na muna kayo ha. Mabuti na rin to para napopromote na natin ang business.” At dali daling umalis si Keiji at natatakot na abutin ng heavy traffic.
“Sir, nakakatuwa naman kayo nina sir Keiji napakasupportive nyo sa akin…” pag papasalamat ni Jessica habang pinapatahan niya si baby Red.
“Jessica, friends are friends. Alam ko na gasgas na tong term nato pero what are friends for right? And you could just call me Dane o kaya Domeng… Dapat kasual na lang tayo rito sa office…” at umiyak na naman si baby Red.
“Ah okay po sir. Este Domeng, ay este, Dane na lang po, este Dane na lang pala, kasi sanay nako sa Dane eh. Excuse me lang po, padedehin ko lang si Red.” At tumungo na si Jessica with her baby sa may pantry.
I was about to unwrap each photo frame para maiayos na yung mga pictures ng may pumasok sa entrance door. Tumunog kasi ung chime na nilagay ko.
“Dane…” it has been a while since narinig ko ang boses na yun.
“Jake?” nakatalikod kasi ako, and then hinarap ko siya.
“It has been a while… Kaluluwas ko lang from Cebu, katatapos ko lang i-train yung bagong batch ng new account ng TACTS. Then I received a personal call from Mr. Russell. Bakit ako Dane? Bakit?” halatang gulong gulo si Jake sa mga pangyayari.
In a straight manner I just answered him, “It is simply because you are well qualified for the job. That is why I immediately phoned Mr. Russell that I highly recommend you. He was looking for my replacement, eh ikaw ang naisip ko…” hindi pa ako natapos sa pag-sasalita ng hinawakan niya ang kamay ko, at idinikit niya sa kanyang mga pisngi.
“Dane, tulog na si baby Red sa crib niya. Heto po pinagtimpla kita ng kape.” Nagulat ang secretarya ko ng makita niya si Jake sa ganung posisyon. “Ay sorry sir Jake… Nandito po pala kayo…” at humalilis papalayo si Jessica papunta sa pantry.
“You had a baby with your secretary?” nagulat si Jake, nagulat din ako sa reaksyon niya.
“It’s not what you think. Yes, I do like to have my own baby, pero hindi ko baby si baby Red. I just hired Jessica dahil we do need some extra hands dito sa studio.” Paliwanag ko sa kanya.
“Ahh ganun ba, akala ko naman ikinasal ka ng bigla.” And Jake felt relieved.
Kinuha naman niya yung kape na itinimpla ni Jessica for me. Naiwan niya kasi to sa may center table katabi ng mga black and white pictures namin ni Raine. I invited him to have a sit at umupo naman sya while stirring the hot coffee. He then accidentally dropped the teaspoon that he was using, we then both tried to reach out for it, and then it suddenly became intense.
Napalapit si Jake sa akin, dahan dahan… And then I broke up the silence,
“Jake… No, I cannot do this…” I whispered unto him.
Inilayo niya bigla ang kanyang sarili. I know that he did get what I meant sa sinabi ko.
“Sorry Dane, sorry… Nabigla din ako… Sorry din if I assumed that…” as Jake tried to explain himself.
I tried to hush him down but putting my finger on his very red lips that he usually bites when he’s nervous.
“You don’t have to explain yourself. It is not yet the time. Mahal ko pa siya Jake.” As I try to caress his hands to console him.
“I know…” and he gave me his sincerest of all smiles.
November 1, 2009
Mandy and I woke up early. I think it was raining last night because the roads were quite damped. We went into the church to celebrate the early mass. And then we offered candles for our love ones. I suddenly felt na hinihimas ni Ate ang likuran ko.
“Where ever they are… I know that they are just looking after us.” I do know that my sister was pertaining to our mom, and my Raine. But I am still convinced that Raine is just around, waiting for me na mahanap ko siya.
“Sis, I promised Raine that we would visit his parents on this occasion.” I told Mandy. She asked me if she can go with me, and so we went there by riding a cab.
We offered a bouquet of flowers and lighted a candle to Mr. and Mrs. Rios’ grave. And I offered a prayer for them. After a while, I silently started talking to them.
“Ma’m… Sir… I am very sorry if I didn’t take good care of your son. I know that inside my heart I still blame myself for what had happen to Raine. And up to now I am still convinced that he is just there. That he longs for me as much as I long for him. Please help me, maybe a sign perhaps. I ask God for the courage and the patience to survive all of this. I know that Raine is a fighter. And I should be a fighter too. Thank you for giving me a wonderful and delightful partner in the form of Adrian your son. May God bless us all…” and I just suddenly felt the breeze of fresh air brushing onto my face.
I just felt calm after that. And my sister and I then went straight home.
November 7, 2009
It was this same day last year when my Raine had prepared some breakfast for me. Eto rin yung araw na tumakas siya papuntang Bulacan to meet Ms. Emina, and there I saw the almost looking like a Picasso sketch of myself, while my baby was soaked in the rain crying.
Pag ka gising ko today niyakap ko ang aking unan ng pagkahigpit higpit. Nagpagulong-gulong ako sa aking kama na parang hindi mapakali. Until I saw a tray of food at the end table of my bed.
“Breakfast in bed?” sabi ko sa sarili ko.
And there was a small card on it, and it was titled, “To my Brother, My Best Friend… A Happy Birthday”
Napangiti ako. It was from my sister Mandy. And I read her short note.
I’ll just visit the grocery today to buy some stuff,
So that we could have a sumptuous dinner.
Happy Birthday Lil’ bro!
Enjoy ur breakfast!
Love, Mandy xxx
Lately medyo mababaw ang tulog ko. I am having this vague dreams, or maybe nightmares, but I am not that sure kasi hindi ko na naalala yun pagkagising ko. Kaya pag dating ng umaga nawawalan nako ng ganang kumain. Pero sayang naman ang inihanda ni ate, it was bacon and some scrambled eggs. Mukhang masarap pa ang pandesal. At ang cute pa dun was a chocolate cupcake with some delectable frosting. Parang mini cake ba? At ayun kinain ko na nga.
Palakad lakad ako sa room habang kinakain ang tinapay na inihanda ni Mandy for me. It is like may iniisip akong napakalalim. Hindi ko na nga napansin na naubos ko na pala ang kinakain ko. Nag patuloy ang paglakad lakad ko. Papunta sa sala, sa kitchen, sumilip ako sandali sa banyo and balik ulit sa kwarto. And then I saw my phone. Madami ng bumati, personal messages from Keiji and my secretary Jessica. Tats, Lucky and Elijah, I also received one from my trainer Nice. And I had YM messages from Iel and Agu, Nicko and Earl. Naka receive din ako ng birthday quote from Jake at may message din ako from his friend Jill. Nag message din ang pamangkin kong si Dominic, at ipinagmalaki pa sa akin na ibinili daw siya ng dad niya na si Allen ng mobile phone. And of course nakareceive din ako ng message from Emina. Doon ko naisipang tawagan siya. It has been a while since ng makapag-usap kami.
Medyo nanibago ako ng nakausap ko na siya. Her sweet sounding voice suddenly became coarse. Lately daw napapadalas ang pagkakasakit niya. I’ve asked her kung nag-papacheck up siya and she told me that she does it routinely. Hanggang sa dumating sa point na siya na ang nangamusta. Ako naman ang natahimik.
“Dane… Are you still there?” tanong ni Ms. Emina sa akin.
“Yes, I’m still here…” sagot ko sa kanya in a very hushed tone.
“Alam mo iho… If you do feel crying, then you should let it out kung ano man ang nararamdaman mo now… Tell me what you wanted to say… Tell me… I am just here to listen, my friend Dane…” as Ms. Emina tried to console me over the phone.
Ewan ko ba, hindi ko na napigilan. Medyo naipon na rin yata ang nararamdaman ko. And then I broke down into tears.
“Emina, I thought kaya ko. I thought makakalimutan ko siya. Pero iba ang sinasabi ng puso ko. Its like I am still hoping for something…” wala akong tigil sa pag iyak.
And for almost fifteen to twenty minutes paulit-ulit ako, matyagang nakinig sa akin si Ms. Emina with every word that I say.
“Iho…” bigla nasabi ni Ms. Emina ng medyo natahimik na ako. Nailabas ko na kasi ang lahat. “Ganito, this coming Christmas, pumunta ka dito sa bukid. Come and spend Christmas here on the holidays…” sabi niya habang napalakas ang kanyang pag-ubo.
“Are you sure that you are doing okay?” nag-aalala kong tanong sa kanya.
“Don’t worry Dane okay naman ako… Kaunting ubo lang to. Siya nga pala, I’ll try my best na makapunta sa opening ng studio mo ha.” As she reminded me with the invite that I sent her.
“Oh yes, bukas na yun, pero it’s okay Emina. I think you do need some rest din naman…” I suggested to her.
“Salamat Dane ha… I wish you all the best with the business…” she was almost whispering her words.
“I should be the one who’s thanking you… Thank you Emina, thank you! Have a great day ahead!” and I hanged up the phone.
Nagising ang mga dugo ko after that, ng nakausap ko ang kaibigan namin na yun, naalala ko ang pinag-gagawa namin ni Raine sa kanyang private retreat.
Dali-dali akong pumunta sa aking home office and there I took our birthday album. I started on reminiscing on the times na magkasama kami. And instead of crying napapatawa na lang ako sa mga pictures namin.
“Wow, you really became a good photographer Raine…” and I realized that somehow I imparted a gift from me to him.
That is to capture stills, still life that is… Snapshots of Memories…
And then I remembered na inuwi ko pala sa bahay yung mga black frames para dun tapusin, one by one I filled it up with pictures. The studio was all set for tomorrow maliban sa mga frames that I am preparing for the blank white walls. I decided na dalahin ko ito later today. After an hour or so, I heard Mandy voice.
“Happy birthday Dane!” si ate pala, at may dala siyang white forest cake.
Nakuha pang mag biro ni ate pahiran ba raw ako ng icing sa ilong. Ayun, tamang tawanan na naman kami.
It’s great to know that I do have such loving family and friends. Thank you Lord for them, thank you…
November 8, 2009
It was about one in the afternoon. I took this gray silk tie that Raine had bought me months ago. It was his favorite tie. He always compliments me most especially when he wears it around me. I paired the tie with a black Armani long-sleeved shirt. I had my glasses on and as I left my pad, I just wore my Ferragamo shoes.
Buti na lang my car was already revamped in time for todays ribbon cutting, I scheduled it at about four in the afternoon. Everything was all set, except for one thing.
I arrived at our studio at about two. Jessica was ravishing with her subdued black dress. And my collaborator Keiji was all regal on that very moment.
“Pare, is it necessary na may party pa na ganito. I thought pwede na blessing na lang?” eto na naman tong si Keiji sa hiya-hiya factor nya.
“Hehehe… Kaw talaga, think of it as a marketing strategy.” At inayos ko na rin yung pink tie na suot niya na pinahiram ko.
Tamang-tama naman na kalalabas lang ni Jessica sa room na pinagawa namin for her and baby Red to stay. Tuwang-tuwa nga siya na ginawa namin ito for her.
“Dane, by the way, okay na nga pala yung mga hooks na pinaset up nyo yesterday sa karpintero.” As my secretary reminded me. Hindi ko na rin nadala kahapon ang mga ito kasi hindi rin natapos ang finishing touches by this morning.
After about an hour and some minutes, we had finished the set up that I am planning to reveal by the end of this momentous event. The caterer that we hired had brought some cocktails and some snacks and they have also finished their set up at our lounge area.
“30 minutes to go, tiyak parating na ang mga guest natin.” Jessica said.
But Jessica was wrong, quarter to four pa lang nagdatingan na ang mga immediate friends and family namin. My sister Mandy had bought some sweet treats for today’s event.
Jake was also also early. He told me that Jill his buddy would just follow later. While the trio Tats, Elijah and the ever dashing Lucky all came at the same time at around ten minutes after four pm.
Syempre may mga dumating din na mga bisita si Keiji, as well as some new friends and mga ka venture namin sa business. We also had invited some colleagues at TACTS. In fact Jenny my ex-girlfriend was also there because I mailed her an invite. She was with her date Nemo. A very manly girl who really loves Jenny. Kitang-kita mo naman eh. I saw the glow in her. The same glow na nakita ko when we were also in love. Oh well… Hindi na rin ako nag tanong about the past. May idea naman kasi ako on what had happen with his relationship with Embol. Ang mahalaga ay masaya siya di ba?
Almost complete na ang mga bisita namin that day.It so happened that Mandy’s friend priest arrived at about 4:30pm, he is the same priest that held the mass for the plane crash victims, which included my Raine, kaya somehow he did knew my ordeal, we spoke for a while and he told me that he was happy to hear that I am doing well. Eto namang sina Lucky gumawa pa ng napakaextravagant na ribbon. Talagang rainbow colored ha? Hehehe…
Nag-palakpakan ang lahat ng nagupit na ang nasabing ribbon. At sinimulan na ng pari ang pagbabasbas. I’ve asked Jessica to hand out candles to every guest na nandun. Upon entering was the spacious lounge, the priest started on a prayer. And then he started blessing the food which is naka set up sa left side of the first room of the lounge. Jessica’s desk was also stationed there. Sa gitna was the leather black seats and on the right was the supposedly white walls na natatakpan ngayon ng white linen. The priest then continued on the blessing going into the hallway. To Keiji and I’s small offices and Jessica’s small room. Our mini pantry, our dark room and editing room (because we are also planning to put up a videography service). And on the farther end was the spacious studio. Nakakatuwa pa nga eh kasi every light was on. Kitang kita ko ang buong profile ng place namin.
And after some minutes every one of us was once again gathered at the lounge and after such a while, after he had read a bible passage from today’s bible reading, the priest had a moment to say some words of wisdom:
“The first person on your mind the moment you open your eyes after a long sleep is the reason either of your happiness or pain.” As he started, “That person might be the cause of that pain, but at the same time is the cause of your happiness. Sometimes, strange things do happen, that only our Lord knows why these kinds of things do occur.”
I admit that the priest was right, Raine might cause this pain and sorrow, but he is my happiness.
And he continued “Sometimes God gives us an orange when we asked for an apple because he knows that the season won’t give us the sweetest one. Everything is beautiful in its own time.” And he sighed, “We always ask Him for answers, but sometimes those answers are just around us, waiting to be found, on its own time.” And the priest paused for awhile.
“Oftentimes, we need to pray not because we need to change the situation, but primarily because we need God to change our attitude about the situation. It’s in our attitude that we could truly find peace, so that we could fight our fears.” Lahat ng sinasabi ni father tumatatak sa isip at puso ko.
“I think the solution to our fear and anxiety is to let the Lord fight for us.
He is able. He is willing. And He is faithful to his promise.
Our part is to stand fast, be in peace and see how God wants to deal the deepest issue of our hearts.”
At nilapitan niya ako, and he blessed me, “Patience is not the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.” He whispered at me discretely and he gave me this very encouraging smile, “Congratulations iho with this new business of yours… May our Lord God Bless you, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit, Amen.”
That was the signal, it was the reveal of this secret project that I have created, my new masterpiece. My mood is in high spirits,
“Good afternoon dear friends, colleagues, my ever loving sister Mandy… Ladies and Gentlemen… I don’t want to be this formal. We do all know that the past few months was not an easy ordeal for me. Alam na alam iyan lalong lalo na ng aking ate, nina Lucky… My buddy Keiji here…
Ganun lang talaga siguro mag-mahal, pero ganun nga ba talaga? And just this past month, I just knew the answer. I was going on the wrong road. I was going on the wrong foot. I wasn’t in the path of love. Rather I was in the path of destruction, in ruining myself, even my love ones. Even the one I loved.
Doon ko narealize na pag sumuko ako it just means na parang isinuko ko na rin ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Oh well, hindi pala hindi, I just already did. And then it just struck me. I am the one who is being selfish, being selfish sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin at the same time I was being selfish for asking him to stay even though I don’t have a single idea kung nasan sya. I don’t want him to feel terrible because of me. I just wanted him to be happy just like the way he made me feel ng magkasama pa kami. That is why the “Snaps of Time” theme was conceptualized. Every speck of time taken in just a snap or a click of a camera. A memory of the visual mind. This is what Raine wanted it to be if he was just here, this is the brainchild of the love that we shared, the love that might have been lost but then resurfaced.” And then I took this rope that would give the reveal from the white tapestry that I had set up hours ago.
“50 frames, 50 memories… Our memories, Raine and I’s, as well as their memories…” and then as the reveal took place Jessica had turned on the spotlights.
“Again, thank you good friends for being here, food and drinks are now served, enjoy!” as I ended up the message.
I already told myself before going there na hindi ako iiyak, pero mukhang ako yata ang nag-paiyak sa mga bisita ko. They were almost teary eyed. And instead going straight at the cocktail table pumunta sila kaagad sa “Wall of Memories” na ginawa ko.
Sinadya ko ang lahat, I took random shots of both of us and put it at the white blank walls of the lounge. It wasn’t suggestive really of a gay couple, rather it was fun memories of almost everything nung mag-kasama kami. And it was like a pledge na gagawin ko for the rest of my photographic career that everytime we do have a client I would replace a picture of ours on the wall and replace it with theirs. It is the thing that I have deviced for my self liberation. Nasabi ko na kasi sa sarili ko, little steps Dane, little steps at eto nga ang naisipan ko. Eto mismo ang konsepto na ipinaliwanag ko sa mga closest friends ko na nandun. Which they all agreed was a brilliant idea at tiyak na ikakasiya ng kaibigan din nilang si Raine.
Nag-ikot ikot ako… Hindi rin naman ako makakain. Buti na lang Mandy was there to socialize and she took care of the other guest na nandun.
Nag-kataon naman sa pag-iikot nakita ko si Nice. Medyo late na rin pala sya nakarating dahil sa aero class niya early that day.
“Oh it has been a while. Buti na lang at nakarating ka sa invite ko. Hindi na nga ako nakakapag gym, eto nananaba na yata” I told him.
“Hindi naman. Wala naman masyado nagbago sayo, it is still the same Adonis looking Dane na kilala ko. Pero masaya ako at least you are now coping up with everything…” and he gave me this smile.
Aba sabi ko sa sarili ko bigla nag seryoso ang bakla. Pero alam ko naman na may serious din side si Nice. Ewan ko ba, maybe I am just trying to unwhine myself.
Syempre nagkumpulan na rin kami lumapit na rin sina Lucky sa amin at ipinakilala ko sila kay Nice. Tamang tama naman na nag hahanap ng trainer ang hitad kaya ayun nag click ang dalawa.
Sa pag-iikot ikot ko nakita ko naman na lumabas ang date ni Jenny na si Nemo. He was about to smoke pala, that was the time na ipinakilala niya ako sa kanya personally.
“Oh Dane, congratulations on your new business…” as always Jenny was still one charming lady and she continued, “By the way, this is my partner, Nemo Santos. He’s a new team leader at TACTS. She’s the one that I’ve been telling you.” Sabi ni Jenny bigla.
And then Nemo and I had this handshake. “Nice meeting you pare. Maraming na kwento si Jenny sa akin about you.” Mukha naman syang casual kaya in some minutes naging okay naman ang pag uusap namin.
Until one topic turned into another one.
“I know Dane it is all too sudden for me na mag ask ng favor sayo. Lalo na in this kind of occasion, but I hope mapagisipan mo ng mabuti.” Paalaala ni Jenny sa akin.
“Give me at least two to three weeks, and I just wanted to weigh some things out kung napapanahon na nga rin ba.” Sagot ko naman sa kanya.
Nasa gitna pa lang kami ng pag-uusap ng may tumawag sa mobile phone ni Jenny.
“Hey Dane, mauna na kami, may emergency lang sa office. I needed to get there. I hope that you’ll get the chance to think about it.” Sabi ulit ni Jenny sa akin.
“Ihahatid ko na kayo.” I told them. But she refused. Sabi naman niya malapit lang naman yung pinag parkan ng sasakyan nila.
Ng papasok nako hindi ko namalayan na nandun pala si Jake kasama ang friend naming si Jill. Kararating lang din pala nito, and he was having a smoke. Ayun nag-aaya ng kumain at gutom na raw sya. Ka stress daw sa work. Kaya pina una na namin sya sa loob.
“Hey Dane, by the way that was Jenny right?” natanong bigla ni Jake.
“Yes… Sa TACTS din siya, di ba I’ve told you before she was my ex-girlfriend?” I told him.
“Yes you did… Pero… I thought?” parang naguguluhan ang kaibigan ko.
“I just invited her. Okay naman na kami ni Jenny nung kami na ni Raine. And may napag usapan lang kami…” I explained to him.
And I felt na parang na cucurious si Jake sa napag-usapan namin.
“Hmmmm… Don’t worry wala naman yung pinag-uusapan namin. Let’s go inside, my sister had some dessert for us…” at ayun pumasok na kami sa loob.
Sana nandito ang partner in crime kong si Raine. Tiyak masasarapan yun sa dessert na dala ng sister ko. And of course our baby the “Snaps of Time” studio became a reality. Raine ko this is all for you. Mwah!
November 9, 2009
So a couple of friends stayed for dinner after the ceremony yesterday. My sister also came alongside Jessica and Keiji. And at the end of the night we bid farewell. Inihatid ko sina Jessica at ang kanyang tulog na tulog na si baby Red hanggang sa studio. But I decided to stop by on this delicatessen shop.
It was about 12:10am ng makarating sa studio, I took off this Choco Oreo cupcake from the box at kumuha ng isang kandila.
Sinindihan ko ito and I sung a “Happy Birthday”.
Tamang-tama naman na lumabas ang sekretarya ko sa kanilang kwarto.
“It’s his birthday today. Jessica birthday ni Raine ngayon.” And I just blew the candle for him.
Lumapit naman siya at hinimas ang likod ko sabay abot ng wipes. In the end dalawa kaming nag-iyakan.
Later that day Mandy, Jessica and some of our friends celebrated mass in memory of my Raine.
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