The Homophobic Series: Book 2-B-[I] CHAPTER 2 (The Gay Guy Turns Homophobic)

The Homophobic Series Book 2-B [I]: 

(CHAPTER 2) 

"The Gay Guy Turns Homophobic"
Written by: Adrianne A. Aguilar

July 29, 2009

For almost two weeks, I’ll just go home drunk. I am so desperate. Desperate on finding him. Kailangan kong makita si Raine. But I was consumed by my guilt na wala akong magawa for him…

“Dane… Look at you? I am really worried about you…” as Mandy tried to grab the bottle of brandy on which I was gulping in.

“Why? Mahahanap mo ba si Raine for me? You don’t even know the pain that I am experiencing now?” ewan ko ba kung anong kagaguhan ang pumasok sa isip ko para sabihin yun sa pinakamamahal kong Ate.

And then she slapped me on my face, kabilaan.

“Do you really know what you are saying? Where is my brother Dane? Why is there a monster in front of me now? You are not my brother Dane.  You think, Raine would be happy seeing you like this? Miserable? And you are that insensitive, that you say that I don’t even feel that same pain that you are experiencing right now?” Mandy was like crying angrily.

“Come on Mandy…” I answered her.

“I do also blame myself for what had happen. Actually, if I did try to stop him about his plan, maybe we could have prevented this to happen.” Mandy told me as she consoles me.

Natakot ako sa narining ko. Even my sister Mandy knew about this? Ako lang yata ang hindi nakakaalam sa mga tunay na nangyari.

“What plan?” natulala na naman ako, as I stare on the blank wall.

“I’m sorry Dane… I’m sorry if I didn’t had the chance on telling you on what had happen. Raine somehow wanted to surprise you by fixing things up with your dad Robert. Actually he consulted me about this, I did try to stop him, but he felt that it was the best thing that he can do for you…” as my sister gave her apologies.

“You knew all about this? And you didn’t even told me?” I was like shaking again with anger.

“Dane… Raine asked me to keep it as a secret…” I can now see the fear from my sister’s eyes.

“But you do know how dangerous that man is… You should have stopped him about his plan…” sisingsisi ako kung bakit ko nga ba siya pinayagang magpaiwan.

And then someone came knocking on our door. Mandy answered it for me, and then I just hear them whispering.

“Robert… You should leave by now, it’s not the right time for…” as my sister hindered my dad on entering.

Mas lalong nag-init ang ulo ko. Hindi pa pala umaalis ang gagong yun. And he has still the guts na harapin ako after what had happen.

“Son, come on talk to me…” as my insane father shouted my name.

Nagtatatakbo ako towards him, to the point na masasapak ko na naman siya. But something had caught my attention. Of course I recognized it, it was Raine’s jacket. I gave that to him as a present when I went from the States. It was wrapped with plastic. It had blood stains on it.

And then Robert said, “This was found on the wreckage at the tail section of the plane… There was a note found inside… I am very sorry son… I am very sorry…” and then I grabbed the said package and pushed him away from me. Nagtatakbo na naman ako paalis.

~*~

Inside Raine’s jacket pocket was a piece paper, and written on it was his wedding vow…

Denmark Ramsey-Sto. Domingo, My Dane…

Destiny brought you to me, and that very fate bounded us with Love.

For you this may be an endless sky of universe, and it may be a galaxy of stars… But no matter what happens… No matter how hopeless… You are my only one true love… No matter where you are… I’ll just be your shining star… United as one babe…

United as one Dane…

Ten times? Maybe it’s the tenth time na binabasa ko itong wedding vow niya for me, as I continue on drinking on a bottle of flavored gin. I don’t even know kung nasaan nako, I just went driving to the point that I don’t even know on where my wheels have brought me.

“Raine, bakit? Why did you leave me? Why?” I just continued on my drinking.

The stars were shining, and it was a full moon that night. Ahead of me was a bridge, I can’t bear the pain anymore. Hindi ko na kaya… There is no reason for me on living on this world anymore.

I just felt the sudden impact, and there was a lot of water, and everything turned into black, I also went blank.

August 25, 2009

It was blinding, that white bright light blinded me. And in that bright light I saw my Raine’s face. He is reaching out for me. And then I just called on his name all over again.

“Sir, sir… ” and then I hear the voice of this nurse.

Natulala ako, I just realized I was inside a hospital room at the Makati Medical Center.

And then I saw my sister Mandy rushing unto me, she just came from outside my hospital room.

“Dane… My brother Dane… Thank God, that you are already back.” And she was again crying out loud.

Hindi ko mainitindihan, why am I still here? Why did I come back? I just wanted it to end now. It was like I am with Raine already. I pushed my sister away and I just gone berserk, I tried on putting off every pin that is stick into me.

“Don’t do that… Nurse please call on the doctor…” my sister ordered.

Malaking tao ang sister ko, pero sa lakas ng pagwawala ko nasalag ko siya pati na ang lahat ng taong humawak sakin. Daig ko pa ang lasing, daig ko pa ang sinapian ng sampung demonyo.

“Hindi ko kayo kailangan! Leave me alone!... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…” and I just felt this pinching sting. I was injected with a sedative, again. And somehow nakalma ako at nakatulog,

October 2, 2009

It became my usual routine actually, again and again they’ll sedate me. For the past few months naging ganun ang set up ng buhay ko. Although nasabihan ko ng masasakit na salita ang sister kong si Mandy, she decided pa rin na samahan ako. She can even bring me to the States with her if she wanted to, pero she feels na mas makakabuti if I’ll do my recovery here. Kasi naniniwala siya na I’ll make a full recovery if I’ll face the reality. The sad reality that my Raine already had passed-away.

Mandy even got me a psychiatric doctor who always visits me. Little by little they do see some progress in me. But deep inside, there is this gushing pain na hindi ko pa rin matanggap. It is like a part of my soul was stolen from me, ganun ang nararamdaman ko ever since Raine left me alone.

October 5, 2009

Visitors became frequent. Dito mo malalaman kung sinu-sino talaga ang mga tunay naming naging kaibigan ni Raine. Kahit na nawala ako ng mga nakaraanag buwan, they do make it sure na binibisita nila ako every now and then.

Even my colleagues sa work, madalas din nila akong binibisita. Binabalitaan din nila ako with updates from work. I appointed John the HR assistant manager who just came back from his very long recovery as the OIC for the HR department while I was still on leave. Okay naman ang mga transactions sa work, minsan pa nga si Mr. Russell pa ang nagbibigay ng updates sakin sa work. And he wishes for my speedy recovery.

There was this one time na nagkasabay-sabay pa ng pag-bisita sina Ms. Emina, Keiji my photographer buddy, and Tats our designer friend sa pag-bisita sa akin. Imagine lahat sila in the artistic field went into my place at the same time. What a coincidence right? And somehow tuwang tuwa sila sa mga photo compositions ko which are scattered around the house.

“You should be pursuing your love for photography…” Ms. Emina told me.

Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko. Sa totoo lang I don’t even know now on where I could draw my inspiration from. And the question is kaya ko pa kayang makapagproduce ng mga pictures like the ones hanged on our walls.

“Oo nga tol’. Since freelancer naman ako ngayon. I could just work for you kung gusto mo. And we do have some friends at the photography school na pwede nating makasama. Why not put up a photography shop or something?” Keiji my friend suggested.

“Yeah, that’s very nice. I could even have your services for my fashion shoots.” Tats said excitedly. And then he just became serious all of a sudden, “Dane… I do understand on how you feel. We do also feel the pain that you feel about our friend and your lover Raine. But moving on is one thing that I think would make him at peace, kung nasaan man siya right now… Mahal namin siya Dane… And napamahal ka na rin sa amin…  And we don’t want to see you this way…” our friend Tats told me.

I just went blank again, as I gulped on the orange juice that my sister served awhile ago.

“Little steps… I am making little steps for now. Hindi siya madali… I couldn’t just forget him that easily…” and Mandy approached me and she gave me a comforting hug.

October 7, 2009

It is about four months already since my sister Mandy decided to be with me, habang nagpapagaling ako. Everything seems to be going back to normal, except for the nightmares na occasionally yata na nangyayari in the past few weeks. It is the very first time that she agreed na pwede na niya akong iwanan. Kalmado na kasi ako in the past few weeks. She even invited me to go to Baclaran church with her, but I decided na magpaiwan muna sa bahay and I assured her that I won’t do anything foolish this time.

Ever since that incident, my life just drastically changed. It is like I am in this black and white perspective, which has no color, no signs of life. I do know that there are people around me, and I do know that they feel for me, pero it seems that I cannot reach out with them.

I just walked inside the walls of my condo unit, from the bedroom, I went into the living area. I peeked in the bathroom on where Raine and I usually bathe together inside the tub, and then I went into the kitchen, I even check Mandy’s guest bedroom. Malinis talaga sa kwarto ang sister ko, and then I decided to check on the television, palipat lipat lang, walang particular na channel akong nagustuhan. After that channel sufrin’ tinamad na naman ako, and just across the living area was the door from my home office.

Ewan ko ba sa lahat ng kwarto na pwede kong silipin yun pa ang hindi ko napuntahan earlier. Is it because tinatamad lang ako? Or is it because I am just afraid to face the truth.

As I hold into the door knob, I just suddenly felt cold. It is like something is pulling me back, na para bang sinasabi na huwag kong pasukin ang kwarto. Pero it is now or never, it really sucks but reality does really bite.

My sister intended not to close the home office door, she does really know me, and she was indeed right about it. Pag kaya ko na papasukin ko na ang kwartong iyon. Upon entering tumambad na yung painting na ginawa ni Emina for us. My psychiatric doctor suggested kasi na itabi muna ang lahat ng bagay that would make me depress in the past few months while I am under medication. Ngayon ko na realize, si Raine yun, but my Raine doesn’t make me depress, hindi siya ganun. Rather he’s the one who makes me smile. He’s the reason for my happiness, he is the reason for everything kung bakit I’m contented and happy with my life. It is just the thought of him leaving that had made me depress, but hindi si Raine, never in my wildest dreams that he would do that.

There were a lot of boxes, every memory of our life together were in those boxes. Frames and album pictures. Movie premier tickets that we have watched. Every restaurant receipt that we had dined. We even kept receipts from fast food chains! We usually write down love notes on those receipts kasi… Hehehe… Everything is just flashing in front of me now.

And then napaupo ako, I just saw on our office table four important things… My D-SLR camera, the scrapbook album, my proposal box and Raine’s laptop.

I then took the scrapbook album, the last time na nahawakan ko ito was on the day of our wedding. It still has some sand on it from the beach kung saan naihulog ko ito. And I went reminiscing onto it. Nakakataba ng puso, nag lagay pala si Raine ng mga pictures naming dalawa sa scrapbook album. It is like he continued my mum’s legacy by continuing the pages of our life story.

Halos lahat ng mga pictures namin was taken from my D-SLR camera. After checking on the scrapbook that’s the next thing na kinuha ko from our home office table.

Punong-puno ng pictures namin ang camera kong iyon. Siguro ayaw ko lang talaga alisin yung mga pics sa loob para hindi mawalay sa akin si Raine even if I am out taking pictures specially when I am doing it as a hobby. Nakakatuwa nga eh, it is either pictures namin yun when we are on our bed or pag kagigising pa lang niya o pag natutulog si Raine. It is fun seeing him like that, so vulnerable, so innocent… Ang cute cute talaga ng baby ko.

And I’ve checked on the lenses of my said camera, and then nafocus ko ung camera with the proposal box on which encased the rings that I gave him.

Binuksan ko ito… I was teary eyed nung nakita ko yung sing-sing ko inside that box. Somehow Mandy had managed na makuha yung wedding ring ko in the midst of the chaos na nangyari last May. I felt complete again, kasi alam ko that this is the only link from my baby Raine…” napaluha ako at that very moment, pero I was so composed. Napangiti pa nga ulit ako ng makita ko yung isang key na kasama ng spare key ng kotse ko na binigay ko sa kanya…

“You never even knew about my surprise Raine… You never had the chance on knowing what is this key for…” sabi ko sa sarili ko.

While I squeeze on the key and my ring on my left hand. I decided to turn on my Raine’s laptop. I do feel na nangungusap sa akin ito, pero handa ka na ba Dane sa lahat?

And then the laptop logged in, one particular folder on his desktop had caught my attention. It says: “My Journal”

Without any hesitations I just clicked on it. Inside it were subfolders divided by years… from the year 1999 to the present. All in all it was a total of ten folders with the corresponding title My Journal Year - - - -, at ewan ko ba kung bakit I am not yet sure kung may gusto na akong buksan sa kahit isa sa mga folder na iyon. Lalong lalo na yung kahulihulihan. And as I scrolled down the said folder, parang may naligaw pang file. It was a video file, mas lalo akong kinabahan, a video file inside his journal folder? What for?

I clicked on it, I was convinced na dapat mapanuod ko kung ano man ang laman nun…

“Hiya!” it was him, it was Raine, it was taken the morning before he had that plane ride going to Palawan. He was wearing the same jacket na dinala niya for that flight.

“What could I say… It’s my wedding day…” and then he smiled while his eyes were in cloud nine.

“Nakakatuwa na everything is perfectly fine… Plantsado na ang lahat for my wedding today. I can’t wait na makita ko na ang Dane ko. Hahaha! Para akong baliw kausap ko ang sarili ko. Well uso naman na ang video blogging right? Why not make a video journal? Hehehe…” at napakamot siya sa kanyang ulo.

“Natutuwa ako kay Mr. Robert and we already had settled about our differences, at makakaattend rin siya sa wedding ng kanyang unico hijo. Sad thing though, fully booked na yung flight kaya hindi na siya makakasabay sa plane na sasakyan ko.” And then someone texted him, and Raine read the said text aloud. Galing pala yun sa akin.

“Baby Raine, I can’t wait to see you mamaya… I really miss you! Mag-ingat ka po sa byahe, love, Dane… Xoxoxo” and then he just paused, and he smiled and then humarap ulit sa web camera ng laptop niya ang baby Raine ko.

“Babe, I do miss you too… Don’t worry, mamaya magkikita na rin tayo, actually kinakabahan pa ako sa pagsakay ko sa airplane ng mag-isa pero I think I can manage na. This is like a new beginning for me babe, not just going to the plane by myself but spending the rest of my life with you, my best friend, my one true love. This is a new hope for me… A start of a happy memory. I love you Dane… I love you! And he gave this stare and Raine left his last kiss… “So laptop, iiwan muna kita ha… I’ll continue on my journal as soon as bumalik ako rito sa Manila, bye! Baby Dane here I come!”

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko iiinterperet ang napanuod ko. It was like having mixed emotions, manghihina ba ako or what. Pero mas nanaig ang lakas ko, I feel revitalized again, most specially ng maretain sa utak ko ang sweetest smile ng baby Raine ko.

I just don’t know para bang naging hyper ako, I just pulled my D-SLR camera and connected it with our PC. And I hit on click, I decided to print out every picture sa loob ng camera ko, I don’t mind kung maubos man ang ink and photo paper ko basta I wanted our photos to be printed ASAP.

October 10, 2009

So many photos, so many memories… A collection of every bit of emotion that Raine and I both shared. What a year it was for us.

Almost everyday eversince I got Raine’s journal, I had the chance to know how deep and strong my baby was. His utmost love and respect for his mum and dad, his estranged relationship with his uncle when his parents died. His ups and downs, from the intimate crushes to troublesome dates. And when he transferred to Manila, he had his job at TACTS, and there we actually met. Sa totoo lang I was smiling upon reading this journal entry from him.

Raine’s journal: December 24, 2007

“Yes of course, I do remember you… Would you believe that I am quite a little nervous when you did my interview?” he replied.(Raine referring to me.)

“Really? Well it didn’t seem to show, I just knew back then that you are very qualified for the job, and now just for this moment you would be staying for a while in our department, doing the same thing that I had done with you before… Tormenting people! Hahaha…” and then I laughed, not just because of what I just said but for the fact that I realized that I made Mr. Nice guy nervous! ...

And then the New Year came… And it did happen. This time I wasn’t nervous. Yes, I was drunk, but I do know every little thing that we did that night and I do not regret anything that Raine and I shared. It was the most liberating thing that happened to me.  On that very night I literally came out. Raine just took out the best in me. And I couldn’t ask for more.

October 11, 2009

Nakatulog ako after reading the pages of my baby’s journal. Every single line and paragraph hindi ko pinalalagpas. There are times na gusto kong maiinis dahil sa mga pinagdaanan nya, na sana nandun ako para maipagtanggol ko sya. But at times he just makes me laugh, he just makes me smile. Ganun naman talaga kaming dalawa. Ganun talaga siya sa akin, kahit sa journal nya napapangiti niya ako.

I just stayed in my home office, every now and then dinadalhan na lang ako ng sister ko ng pagkain, halos dun na nga ako natutulog for the past days. Mandy thought nga na I was getting crazy again, but definitely hindi naman.

In that very room, a marvelous idea was born. Seeing every snap shot of our memories, I was inspired to do something that Raine and I already had conceptualized from the very beginning.

It is the inception of my new baby, Raine and I’s new baby.

"Snaps of Time… That would be really great…”  Mandy my sister said. “But where would you use that? And what kind of business are you putting up?” as she asked me with wonder.

“Hmmm… Actually Raine and I already had talked about it before… He did encourage me on putting up a photography business of ours… I even read his interest for this business on one of his journals.” As I explained it to my sister.

“Are you really sure about this? Dane, the stress of putting up a business might make you…” hindi pa tapos si Ate ng sumingit ako.

“Insane?” and napatawa ako. “Sis, I can confidently say that I am doing great now. I am a renewed person. I just feel reborn. It is like I am given another chance in life.” Napapailing lang ako sa tuwa.

Natahimik sandali si Mandy. At bigla itong lumapit sa akin at niyakap ako.

“My little baby brother is now a complete man. Thank you Raine, Thank you…” napabulong si Ate sa akin.

“Mandy, I am trying to be cheerful here…” I reminded her, and pinunasan naman niya ang naiipon niyang luha.

Alam ko naman na masaya lang ang sister ko for me kaya she is quite teary eyed after hearing those statements from me.  She was very eager about the business that she gave me some good tips so that my plan would work out.

“I suggest that you should be contacting your buddies Earl and Nicko. They had just opened their own photography business in New York. I even had hired them for their expertise on Dominic’s recital in school. I told you their business is doing great in the Big Apple.” Mandy told me.

“But I thought that it was still just a plan?” I then told my sister.

“Well apparently they had been very busy lately and they don’t have a chance on telling you. But one time when I got the opportunity on passing by their offices, Earl told his regards for you and Raine.” As Mandy reiterated my best buddy’s message.

Earl was a good colleague of mine who migrated to America so that he could live the American dream. There he met his love of his life Nicholas, who he oftenly calls Nicko. Nicko is also an aspiring photographer just like Earl and me.

I do remember, Earl is the same guy that brought the bag of chocolates that I gave to my Raine when I first got to the HR department at TACTS. I’ve read on my baby’s journal how pleased he was with that very sweet delight.

On that same day that night I decided to get online and gave a buzz to Earl and Nicko. It so happened that the two of them were online. They have told me their sincerest condolences, and I have told them my appreciation for always being there as good friends.

Marami din kaming napag-usapan. Isama mo na dyan ang kanilang business who happened to be booming in New York. Mayroon mang recession sa mga panahon na ito. They had made it sure to put up to the said challenge. The only important advice na sinabi nila for me is think of something outside the box that would make my product or service apart from other photography studios na existing na sa market.

On a piece of paper I scribble down some notes on how would I start up on my newest project.

What would be my EDGE?

My forte is black and white photography.

I do love capturing emotions of people. Whether it’s happy, sad, or anything fun, or something excitedly worthwhile.

Snaps of Time: It is much like a title from a story. Why not make my compositions in a storybook format.

I could also put up a free online website service for prospective clients.

Location wise. I have this perfect place that I saw just along Shaw Boulevard, just across Shang-rila Mall.

But time? I wanted to put it up on our birthdays. And I do have barely a month for this. Is it really that quick? I don’t have the luxury of time kaya kailangan na pag isipan ko ang bawat move na gagawin ko.

October 16, 2009

Connections… Connections… It is a good thing that I do have connections. May mga ibang papers na lang ako na kailangan ayusin to put up this business. Buti na lang Keiji my friend had lend me a hand para maisaayos ko yung mga papers.

The studio was very spacious although it had a hallway feel to it because the space was rather elongated. It has white blank walls which is very ideal for my black and white theme na naiisip ko. And it has a very enormous show window. It is a good thing at napareserve ko itong place na ito. Thanks to my mom who had left Mandy and I a sum of fortune and yung mga naipon ko from TACTS. At least I’ll live up the dream that Raine and I always had hoped to fulfill.

“So, I think this is a done deal already am I right?” Keiji told me.

“Yes, I know Raine would really love this.” I answered.

And then my sister said, “I am sure Raine would love this. But are you sure that you don’t want some new paint job for this space?” Mandy then asked me.

“Hmmm… I think it already has the character that I am looking for a studio. Maybe an additional office space for me and Keiji would be nice. And some lighting fixtures that would complement the monochromatic feel of this space.” I told them both.

“By the way Dane, have you visited the warehouse in the south the sells very tasteful contemporary furnishings and fixtures that I’ve told you. Kumpare ko kasi ung manager dun, and I think he’ll give you a very great deal with it.” my photographer buddy reminded me.

“Since pinaalala mo. I think this would be a great time na bumisita dun. The time is ticking, by the end of the month sana plantsado na ang lahat…” sagot ko kay Keiji.

Of course nag-alala na naman si ate, kung minsan naiisip ko para na rin siyang mommy ko. Parang stage mother ba. Pero just like before I assured her that everything would be fine with me and I thanked her sa lahat lahat na ginawa niya for me. At least ngayon mapapanatag na siya, at least makakauwi na siya sa New York para makasama niya ang kanyang husband na si Allen at ang naughty kong pamangkin na si Dominic, but I asked her na kung pwede after the opening na lang ng studio and syempre pumayag siya.

Inihatid ni Keiji si Mandy sa condo. He offered to give her a ride, hindi pa rin kasi naayos yung kotse ko. Ako naman I went straight into the south. Napadpad ako somewhere in Paranaque. Mabait naman yung nakausap kong dealer. They really have good furniture collections. I decided to stick up with the monochromatic sophistication of black and white with some touches of silver. I bought some black leather comfty Zen couches, black and white pillows, silver lighting fixtures, and a lot more and something had just caught my attention.

“How many of those do you have?” I was pointing out to him 8” x 10” black picture frames.

“We do have at least fifty of those…” the manager answered.

“I’ll buy them all…” I then told him.

Nagulat yung manager upon telling that to him, he told me kasi na may pagkamahal yun for such simple photo frames, because those are imported ones from the US. But I didn’t mind, I do have a particular plan for those frames.

I did make a great deal with him. I told him that I should be expecting those furnitures by next week because I still have some finishing touches to do on the studio. Pero syempre may mga ibang bagay pa akong dapat ayusin, I was hurrying na makauwi. I was thinking na makausap sana si Mr. Russell about my plans in my life and with the company.

May pagka traffic along Coastal Road. Nag commute ako, just like what I’ve said earlier wala pa rin yung kotse ko. I rode a bus going to Paranaque, dahil nagmamadali ako. I decided to just ride the MRT. Ang tagal na rin since last na nakasakay ako rito. Minsan nga nalilito pa ako dahil usually wala ng sulat ang MRT cards and it could be a pain in the ass really, wala na kasi ung arrow head sa card.

And gosh naulit na naman, I was issued a very old card as usual wala ka ng mabasa rito, nagmamadali akong pumila kasi ang dami ng tao at 6pm. Ilang beses kong sinubukang ipasok yung card, after like 2 to 3 ways on inserting it ayun at pumasok rin.

And then I went into this MRT train na naghihintay, tamang tama lang ang pasok ko at kasi sumara na ang mga pinto. I just stayed at the end of the train dahil most of the seats are already occupied.

I just stared onto the window, and the train already started on its journey. It was quite humid inside, siguro dahil marami ang tao, na hindi na kinakaya ng airconditioner. I just told myself:

“Dane, ganito talaga pag nag uumpisa ka ulit. Lahat ng hirap kailangan mong pagdaanan.” Pero napapailing ako. Pero kung sabagay it’s my choice afterall na sumakay sa MRT, pwede naman akong sumakay ng taxi but I just changed my mind on the last minute. Napadaan pa kasi ako sa Baclaran church kanina after my visit with the furniture warehouse, kasi somehow I was praying or maybe looking for a sign kung ano ang dapat ko gawin sa buhay ko.

“Ayan ka na naman Dane!” Sabi ko sa sarili ko, medyo naging seryoso na naman yata ako sa kakaisip, which I know would not help me, kaya I decided to just focus myself na mag sight seeing. Madami dami na rin palang billboards along Magallanes. And there is this newly built mall alongside sa isang building na bagong repurposed.

Sa kabilang train naman na katapat ko halos maluwag naman sila. Kababa lang kasi ng isang batch ng mga estudyante sa kabilang train. And there were five men na nakahawak sa railing ng train na yun. Napansin ko pa nga ung suot nung isang guy na nakatalikod.

“Umuuso na naman ang checkered polo, but the one he is wearing is very tasteful.” Sabi ko sa sarili ko.

Mamaya-maya pa ay biglang may sinagot na phone call ang nasabing lalaking un at humarap sya sa kinaroonan ko.

To my shock,

“Dane, don’t tell me that you are going insane again? This is just your imagination fooling you, a hallucination. It is just a creation of your chaotic mind. Mainit lang siguro. Pagod ka lang…” I did try to convince myself na gawa gawa lang yun ng isip ko.

Pero the more na isipin ko mas hindi maalis ang pagkakatingin ko sa kanya.

“Raine? Is that you?” Natanong ko lang ang sarili ko. Kamukhang kamukha niya si Raine only he has shorter hair, a buff buddy and he’s wearing glasses.

And then he smiled, he smiled because of something na sinabi ng kausap niya sa phone. But that smile had told me something else. It’s like it is talking to me, it is like it’s telling me na, Dane I am back, I’m here for you.

NEXT:

The Homophobic Series Book 2-B [I]: 

(CHAPTER 3) 

"The Gay Guy Turns Homophobic"