The Homophobic Series: Book 2-B-[I] CHAPTER 1 (The Gay Guy Turns Homophobic)

The Homophobic Series Book 2-B [I]: 

(CHAPTER 1) 

"The Gay Guy Turns Homophoibc"
Written by: Adrianne A. Aguilar

June 11, 2009

I got ---- shivers,

I am actually shaking at this very moment.

When you touch The Light,
I'll make you hot,
Get all you got,
I'll make you wanna say

Please baby… Please say something… I wanted to feel you right now…

I got ---- fever,

I’m terribly sick. I’ll get crazy, insane!

Running like a fire,
For you I will go all the way,
I wanna take you higher…

Higher? How can I? With out you… I’m just nothing.

You are the reason that I breathe,
You are the reason that I still believe,
You are my destiny,
Jai Ho! Oh-oh-oh-oh!

Fireworks where everywhere while I hold unto one unused Pussycat Dolls’ concert ticket. Raine would surely love watching this girl group face to face. He might be dancing at the beat of this particular song “Jai Ho”.

Naalala ko tuloy, it was just this New Year when he sang for me the song “Stick with U”. It was that very moment that I was assured that he was with me again.

But it seems that I could never hear him sing that song again or maybe see him dance, or even see him smile when he wakes up every morning.

~*~

May 28, 2009

“Uncle Dane… This ice cream is really nice…” as my little nephew Dominic lick this cone of vanilla ice cream of course with crushed cashews on top. And somehow my Raine had incorporated little silver candy balls as added design, much like candy sprinkles.

Everything was perfect. The sea was perfectly calm. My Raine had really focused on every detail of our momentous day. Our entire guests wore white. From Ms. Emina and her assistant Paolo to Mr. Russell and his lover. Tats, Jill and Jake were also there alongside Marielle, my baby’s relative. Also who could forget the very funny Anne Woodsrow with her assistant Gladys. We also had invited Jenny my ex-girlfriend and her date Nemo. Nice our instructor was also there, he went along with my photographer buddy Keiji who is very busy taking up pictures of the guest who are there, all in all pag pinag-samasama mo ang family, friends, and relatives I think it would sum up at a least fifty guest.

Allen my brother-in-law was my best man while Raine’s was his BFF Lucky.

My sister Mandy was there she’s our Matron of Honor. While little Dominic enjoyed licking on that very delectable dessert of his. That little bundle of joy is our ring-bearer. Kumpleto na ang lahat. But where’s my Raine?

“Can I have the rings now Uncle Dane?” as my little nephew asked me, while he licks with his ice cream.

Somehow I’ve got this nervous feeling na hindi ko ma-explain. I only have my ring with me, wala pa yung kay Raine, kasi wala pa rin siya. I just squeezed on my own wedding band very tightly. Alam ko na darating siya, because I do have faith in him.

Mamaya-maya pa, instead na si Raine ang makita ko it came to me as a shock ng makita ko ang daddy ko at the end of the make-up aisle on the beach.

“Shall we start now iho?” then Fr. Mc Lain asked me.

Hindi ako makasagot. I just saw my dad rushing onto me.

“Son…” at niyakap niya ako.

“What is this? An act? What are you up to now huh?” hindi ko na alam kung ano ang sasabihin.

And then from a distant I just saw someone running, actually he was also shouting. It was Elijah, hingal na hingal siya and he was so terrified, he was petrified because of something.

“Sa televi…sion… I just saw it… The plane… The plane…” Elijah wasn’t making any sense at that time.

Mas lalo akong natakot, parang ayaw kong marining ang susunod niyang sasabihin.

Pak! Lucky slapped Elijah’s face, “Anu ba kasi yun Elijah? Sabihin mo kasi ng maayos.” Lucky told him.

Medyo nahimasmasan na si Elijah… and then he continued…

“Yung airplane ni Raine… The one that he boarded an hour ago. It just crashed.” As he gulped when he gave us the news.

Pandemonium was all over the place. Nagtatakbo ang mga friends ni Raine going at the villa to see the said news.

Some had made calls. Napako naman ako sa pagkakatayo ko upon hearing it. Nabitawan ko ang sing-sing ko and it rolled over, tamang tama naman na nabitawan ni Dominic ang hawak niyang ice cream. Nasakluban niya ito.

And then naala ko na lang na nakayakap pa pala ang daddy ko sakin.

“Tell me… Tell me that you don’t have anything to do with this…” I whispered at him in a very serious note.

Pero hindi siya nakasagot. I am not really expecting an answer from him. I do know that he is capable of doing anything.

And then I pushed him. I pushed him back and he stumbled. Weird thing, nag-react na naman si Elijah.

“You? You are the one who’s with Raine yesterday, I am sure of that…” tinuturo niya ang daddy ko. Somehow kasi hindi pala alam ni Elijah na wala pa si Raine dito sa Palawan yesterday.

I was fiery by that time nung narinig ko yun from Elijah. Susugurin ko na siya at sasapakin nung mga oras na yun ng awatin lang ako ni Allen at ni Mandy.

“You crazy old man! What have you done with him? Huh?” I was shouting like a madman.

Nakakabaliw yung feeling, and then it all suddenly came back to me.

It was on August 17, 2008 when my dad and I last saw each other. After like seven to eight years na hindi kami nagkita, seven to eight years na hindi ako umuwi sa bahay namin sa Texas. He just came from the church that day. He was carrying a bible and he has this usual infuriated look.

I did try to approach him para magmano. But to my surprise he slapped the Bible that he was holding against my face… And then the Bible flew across the room sa lakas ng pagkakahampas niya sa mukha ko. Napapikit lang ako sa gigil at galit. But I am still composed, kasi hindi ko nakakalimutan na bahay niya pa rin ang kinatutungtungan ko. I felt that there was blood gushing from my nose. And Robert, my dad started with his litany.

“Hindi ka na nahiya. For Christ sake, kasalanan yang ginagawa mo! Imagine nakita ka pa ng colleague ko na nakikipaglampungan sa isang lalaki o bading? O kung ano man ang gusto mong itawag sa demonyong yun…” as he started on his homo-phobic remarks.

Hindi nako nakapag-pigil at sinagot ko na siya.

“Galit ba kayo dahil makasalan ako o galit kayo dahil nahihiya kayo sa tarantadong gagong kasamahan niyo?” I told him straight onto his face.

“Gago ka pala. Eh kung anu-anong katarantaduhan pala ang itinuturo sayo ng bakla mong kinakasama. Edukadong tao yung kasamahan kong yun. Hindi ka na nahiya. You weren’t even like that before…” galit niyang sinabi.

“I would just like to remind you, tarantado nako simula ng marealize ko ang mga bagay na pinag-gagawa mo kay Mommy…” sumbat ko sa kanya.

“Patay na ang Mommy mo ng magkasama kami ng Tita Jane mo. And don’t accuse me of something na hindi ka man lang sigurado sa sasabihin mo. Hanggang ngayon isip bata ka pa nga. You are so naïve, at nakuha mo pang pumatol sa isang lalaki? Have some decency… may delekadesa pa ba yang baklang kinakasama mo?” at tuloy tuloy pa siya sa walang tigil na pangyuyurak sa amin.

“You are such a pathetic liar dad. Bed ridden si Mommy ng nakita kitang nakikipaglampungan sa Jane na yun, who happens to be my mum’s best friend. Now, sino ngayon ang walang delekadesa? And just to let you know bakla rin ako. And yung sinasabi mong baklang kinakasama ko, mahal ko yun. So what that makes me, a guy who has no decency right? Kung sabagay kanino pa ba ako mag-mamana. Kung hindi sa taong wala ring delikadesang tulad niyo. Now tell me, you ain’t that different with us faggots right?” he was about to slap me the second time around kaso nasalag ko siya.

“Don’t you even dare? Once is enough, I won’t be that stupid if I’ll let you do that same useless act of yours. Going here was such a mistake. But don’t worry I’ll just be here in just a couple of days to fix some things and pick some things up. And then wala ka ng maririnig sa akin…” and I shove off his hands.

“It was a mistake for having you as my son. I just wish I could just disown you…” he was shouting like hell.

“You don’t have to wish for it, because I quit!” and I just went straight into my room.

And then in just a split second naalala ko si Raine.

“Tang-ina mo, don’t you even call me son! You’ve killed him. You crazy bastard!” nagwawala nako ng sobra.

At nakuha pa niyang magpaliwanag. “Everything was totally fine between the two of us, anak. That is why nakipagkita ako sa kanya kahapon…” and he started to stand up, and he handed me something,

It was the scrapbook album that I left in Texas. Naiwan ko yun accidentally nung nag-mamadali akong umalis sa bahay namin dun.

Inabot niya sa akin yun, and he turned onto the last page.

On it was a picture of me, Mandy, Dominic and my Raine. And there was a short note on it.

Mr. Sto. Domingo, you are such a very lucky person for having a very loving family. Please don’t let them live each day without letting them know that you love them. You see, for almost a decade now I longed for a father, I am not expecting that you could be a father for me, but I do know that Dane also longs for you as a father… Please don’t deprive him of that love.

Sincerely, Adrian Rios.

“Anak I was a coward, hindi ko alam on how would I approach the family after the incident sa ating dalawa. And then Adrian had sent me this invitation. Kaya nagkaroon kami ng chance na makapagusap kahapon. Sa airport pa lang alam ko na ang balita sa nangyari, that is why I’ve called my connections for the search and rescue operations. I am very sorry anak, sorry sa lahat ng kagaguhan ko… Raine was such a nice person…” and he just continued on apologizing.

Hindi talaga ako makapaniwala sa naririnig ko, hindi ko man lang malunok ang laway ko. Nabitawan ko lang yung scrapbook album sa buhanginan. At nakita kong tinatangay lang ng hangin ang mga pahina nito. Napatigil ito sa page na kuha namin ni Raine along the beach sa ginawa naming sandcastle, naalala ko pang sinabi ko sa kanya na he’ll be my King and I’ll be his best Knight.

“You are just lying. Tell me you are lying… AHHHHHH!” at pinagsusuntok ko ang buhanginan. Everyone was calming me down. I was shouting at the top of my lungs.

Hindi nako mapakali kaya nagtatakbo nako sa Villa na tinutuluyan namin. And there was the said breaking news.

“A Zen-Air flight going to Palawan crashed at about three o’clock in the afternoon at one of Palawan’s secluded islands due to a pre-determined cause. Twenty-eight people were on board during that flight including its flight crew. It is said to believe that the plane was cut in half upon impact and the front section went into the sea while the tail section was left on the said island and then minor explosions were heard. There are already at least fourteen dead bodies recovered including its captain, Emmanuel Dela Riva. There are still ten missing people yet to be found by the search and rescue operations. Here is a list of the manifest from Zen-Air flight 2—“

Bodies Recovered

Capt. Emmanuel Dela Riva, 52

Co. Captain Michael Alcala, 28

Flight Engr. Leo Encisio, 49

Michelle Alba (Flight Attendant), 24

Richard Mendoza (Flight Attendant), 31

Anthony Arsenia, 38

Joshua Arsenia, 12

Katrina Kholie,28

Glenda Mangera, 64

Heraldo Mangubat, 70

Leonida Pingol, 32

Irish Dayana Pingol, 10

Kenzo Nishida, 19

Tomoko Nomura, 21

Missing

Martha Arsenia, 35

Lawrence Kholie, 29

Arnayro Lazzatin, 51

Amanda Lazzatin, 49

Amado Lazzatin, 31

Alicia Lazzatin, 28

Ailler Lazzatin, 21

Mathida Reyes, 39

Marianne Reyes, 25

Adrian Rios, 23

“The Embassy of Japan and the USA would send rescue troops for the recovery of the other missing passengers. Most especially that Lawrence Kholie, a US diplomat who is having a vacation with his wife is still missing. The scene here over the island is so obscene that I cannot actually describe how horrific it is now here. Some of the investigators are now getting some samples for DNA analysis for most bodies can’t be recognized due to the impact that happen earlier. For breaking news live, I’m Anya Marie Ferrer reporting…”

Tulala lang ako, the only thing na nasabi ko was, “Raine is not used to flying by himself. Dapat kasama niya ako. Kasama niya dapat ako on that flight, sana namatay na rin ako…” and I started to shout again like a madman upon seeing his name on the list.

As the days pass by, five more bodies were recovered from the crash site. Hindi na nila nakilala yung iba at medyo matatagalan pa for the DNA results. After some days, Lawrence Kholie the US diplomat was rescued, but he was later amputated due to an infection that he had on that said accident. The twenty one year old Ailler Lazzatin was also rescued from another island, but he was so shocked and traumatized that he couldn’t even speak of anything. Three bodies are not yet found up to this day, kasama na dun ang ang pinakamamahal ko. On the day of the 28^th of May 2009, my love, my one true love. Raine, Adrian Rios was stolen from me. AHHHH! Curse you fate! Curse you destiny!

July 13, 2009

I stayed at the island for about two weeks more. Some of my friends stayed. My sister Mandy stayed too. But my best man, brother-in-law Allen went back to the States with Dominic. I decided that that was the best thing to do. For that I don’t want my nephew to get traumatized with what had happen. But I was like traumatized too. I am like crying all night, halos wala na akong tulog in going to every island or local government agency in Palawan to ask for help.

And just this morning makakarating pa sayo ang balita na they have already stopped the search and rescue. They have told us na risky to have the said rescue dahil there is this coming storm on the path of the said region. Of course hindi ako pumayag, I insisted na magpapaiwan talaga ako. God Damn, I was so pissed, I don’t know if that fucking Robert had ordered it, but I was sedated on that very moment na nagwawala ako.

July 15, 2009

I just woke up. Parang nabibiyak ang ulo ko. Sabi ko, napakasamang bangungot naman yun. And bumangaon na ako sa pagkakahiga ko. I decided to go into the kitchen dahil alam ko, my Raine would be there making some special waffles for our breakfast.

“Mandy, why are you here?” and then nagising nako sa katotohanan, I am already back at my condo in Ortigas. Nagkalat kasi along the living area yung mga gamit namin ni Raine for our wedding. Even our matching clothes for that occasion were also laid out there on the sofa. It was indeed a true to life nightmare. Nag-wala na naman ako, pinag-susuntok ko ang mga pader sa condo. My sister was like trying to stop me on hurting myself, kaso the more na awatin niya ako, mas nagwawala ako.

“What should I do sis? I should find him… Hindi ko to kaya… Ate why? Bakit si Raine pa?” I was like blaming myself as I break down unto tears.

“Dane… My little brother Dane… Have some faith in Him. I do know that we’ll still find Raine…” as my sister tried to console me.

“But how? They already had stop on the search and rescue? Wait, I could go out, maybe may mga balita na ang mga kaibigan namin on what had happen.” I instantly got my keys of my car and I headed out of my unit, I could still hear my sister’s powerful voice while she calls up my name.

Pag-pasok ko palang sa kotse, this stuff toy gift that my Raine made for me reminded me of him. Napapailing lang ako upon seeing that, I keep telling myself, bakit ka nga ba pumayag na mag-paiwan siya Dane. Bakit? And then humaharurot akong nag drive palabas ng building.

I already coordinated the coast guard for some news, kaso wala pa rin silang maibigay sa aking updates. I even went into the airport and visited the airline company. Pero wala pa rin silang maibigay na bagong impormasyon sa akin. I even went to Lucky, kahit siya na airline agent can’t do anything for me.

Nakakainis, I am so helpless. Wala man lang akong magawa, paano kung nasa kritikal na kalagayan si Raine? Wala ka man lang magawa ha?

NEXT:

The Homophobic Series Book 2-B [I]: 

(CHAPTER 2) 

"The Gay Guy Turns Homophobic" 
http://boykissesbydane.blogspot.com/2012/01/homophobic-series-book-2-b-i-chapter-2.html